Says Who?

We open with Eric struggling to prepare sack lunches for his brood. This doesn't seem complicated, but he is certainly having quite a bit of trouble. He hasn't even tied his tie, and he's wearing his reading glasses to aid his concentration. Simon comes down to brush his teeth in the kitchen sink. Ew.

Eric wonders if everything is okay upstairs. Ruthie has locked herself in the bathroom, meaning no one else can get ready for school. The downside of large families sharing one bathroom.

Eric apparently having given up on the lunches, picks up the newspaper, so that Simon can ask him about a well-placed headline. This one being about the Heaven's Gate cult. Which was actually current in 1997. This isn't gonna be pretty, this show rarely does 'topical' well.

Eric tries to explain about cults, but Simon thinks he's talking about church. Which considering how the Camdens end up running things in Glen Oak seems apt. Eric disagrees with me though. He says that cults isolate members, which the church doesn't do. He goes on to say that the church still has room for people who don't share all their views, unless that person is Mary Seasons 5-11.

Simon's still more interested about the mass suicide thing, and Eric realizes that he's out of his depth, so he decides to encourage Simon to play mind games with his siblings to see if he can figure it out on his own. That couldn't possibly go wrong. (Interestingly, Eric thinks Ruthie should be exempt from the experiment, citing her young age.)

Matt wanders in and Simon oh-so-subtly thinks Matt looks taller. Simon says that he must be shrinking. Matt looks confused. Credits.

Lunch at the high school. Matt, Lucy and Mary are all eating together, like normal teenagers who hang out with siblings at school. Lucy realizes that Eric packed the lunches when she pulls a cork screw out of her paper sack. Seriously. A freaking corkscrew.

Attention is diverted when a friend notes that some girl at another table is clearly headed to the rest room to purge. The girl they gossip about gets a name (Shelby), but friend doesn't. Word is that Shelby is bulimic, because she barely eats anything and rushes to the bathroom after every meal. Except that if I remember 8th grade health class, bulimics tend to binge on large quantities of food, and the throw up. Matt gets bored and leaves. Mary is skeptical as well, but decides to argue with the friend. Lucy comes up with a plan to find out if Shelby is actually bulimic or not. Mary makes indicating that this plan is stupid. She's not wrong.

Scene change. Eric and Mrs. Peacock (yea!) are headed to a retirement home. Mrs. Peacock is upset because Mrs. Hinkle has put her house up for sale, and has moved into this place. Eric pretends to be shocked that Mrs. Peacock stole the official change of address card, but you know he's making mental notes on how better to stalk the community. Mrs. Peacock thinks that her children have forced into the place and thinks she's being held hostage. Hee.
They head to the front desk to see if they can visit Mrs. Hinkle. The desk is unhelpful, honoring Mrs. Hinkle's request that she not be disturb. Clearly they must be evil. Or simply professional. I crack up when Eric tries to use his status as minister to bypass this request, only to be under the guise of respecting their tenant's wishes. Eric asks to leave a note, so the gullible clerk hands him a pad and pen. When Eric hands the note back, he takes the time to note the room number the clerk writes on it. He and Mrs. Peacock sneak down the hallway. Cause Eric respects no one's personal boundaries.

School. Lucy invites Shelby to dinner on the pretense of studying algebra. Shelby accepts the invite. Lucy's friends are impressed that she's going through with her plan. Mary thinks Lucy is an idiot. Lucy tries to spin it like she's being concerned, but Mary says she's just being catty and nosy. Word Mary.

In the Camden's living room, Simon and Ruthie try to convince Matt that he is shrinking by noting that his feet used to reach the floor when sitting on the couch. Matt is confused, then gets frustrated and leaves. Simon and Ruthie dub themselves geniuses. Next.

Kitchen. Lucy and Mary help Annie with dinner. Lucy asks permission to have her friend over. Simon can't reach the glasses and everyone looks at him like he's weird. Mary gets the glass for him.

Living room. Matt goes back to check the couch cushions. Cause he's stupid. Simon and Ruthie are excited that Matt's mind is almost theirs but that doesn't strike me as much of an accomplishment.

Church. Eric is on the phone explaining that he didn't actually get to see Mrs. Hinkle. He's waiting to see if she responds to his note before they bust in on her. Annie wants to know what the next step is if Mrs. Hinkle doesn't call. Annie, have you met your husband? What does he usually do when someone doesn't want to see him?

Mrs. Peacock pages Eric and convinces him to sneak into Mrs. Hinkle's retirement home with her. It's a pretty easy sell.

At the retirement home, Mrs. Peacock is imagining the worst. They knock on her door. Mrs. Hinkle answers, looking perfectly fine. Mrs Peacock tells her it was a nice try. Mrs. Hinkle invites them in. She gives them very plausible explanations about why she's selling her house, but Mrs. Peacock isn't buying it, thinking that Mrs. Hinkle's kids convinced her to move because they wanted the money. Mrs. Hinkle busts them on breaking in. Mrs. Peacock busts her on not telling them the whole story. They leave.

Night at the Camden's. Lucy is claiming that she doesn't have enough self-discipline to be bulimic. So many things wrong with that statement. Mary agrees with me, offering this gem: "You and this conversation have gone way past annoying and into the land of I'm gonna have to kill you if you don't shut up." Hee. I like old school Mary.

Simon is putting lifts in Ruthie's shoes. To make her look taller compared to him. Cause he's playing mind games with his siblings to figure out why people join suicide cults. Annie comes in and asks what they're doing. They explain the situation. Ruthie is creepy. She pretends it makes sense, but refuses to help. Matt overhears. I anticipate more wacky hijinks.

Mrs. Peacock is still whinging about Mrs. Hinkle's move. Eric is trying to calm her down. He tells Mrs. Peacock they have to butt out. I laugh at the hypocrisy. I also laugh when Mrs. Peacock slams her door in Eric's face. Hee. The show needed more of that in the later seasons.

Morning. Eric is complaining that neither Mrs. Peacock or Mrs. Hinkle will talk to him. Eric says a lot that makes me think, pot meet kettle. Especially when he says that it's not okay for Mrs. Peacock to barge in on Mrs. Hinkle everyday until she gives in. Though Eric plans to do that to Mrs. Peacock. Annie suggests he go by Mrs. Hinkle's open house.

Lucy offers Shelby a snack. Shelby asks where the bathroom is.

Lucy proves that she is being catty and nosy by immediately sharing this information with Mary. Annie overhears and wants to know what they're talking about. So Lucy actually tells her. Annie is pretty pissed at her behavior. She tries to bust on Mary, too, but Mary says that she didn't know how to stop it.

Eric arrives at Mrs. Hinkle's open house. He meets her kids. They give the same spiel about why she moved and seem very supportive. Eric's suspicion has been peaked.

Simon and Ruthie are bowling in the hallway. Mary wanders in and asks what's wrong with his pants. She says maybe his legs are shrinking, and Simon looks nervous. Cause he's stupid.

Eric arrives at Mrs. Peacock's house to discuss his suspicions. Her summary of what he's getting at is awesome: "I'm supposed to interupt my day, tag along with you to barge in on my best friend for another chat, just because you said so. Let me get my bag." More Mrs. Peacock, please.

Simon can't reach his clothes. Matt comes in and overacts like Simon is shorter. He believes that Simon is shrinking down to nothingness. Simon now believes that he is shrinking. Cause he's stupid.

Retirement home. Eric suggests that he and Mrs. Peacock should try to be subtle. She agrees and then verbally runs over Mrs. Hinkle when she answers the door. She explains that, "Subtle never really worked" for her. They bust her on lying about her reasons for moving. Mrs. Hinkle admits that her kids are selfish assholes, and are wanting the money from the house sale, as a n early inheritance.

Mrs. Hinkle decides that she doesn't want to sell her house, and notes that the security at her retirement home sucks. Which it does.

Camden's. Simon is whining to Annie about how he's shrinking into nothingness. She figures out that Matt has done something to convince him that he's shrinking. She makes Matt take him to the doctor. Matt is upset that Annie didn't care that Simon was messing with his mind. Annie says that she doubted that Matt would be stupid enough to fall for Simon's tricks. Apparently she doesn't know her children well at all.

Mrs. Hinkle tells her kids that she's not selling and busts her kids for being assholes. Mrs. Peacock offers her pepperspray. They leave. The ladies decide to go for a drink. Eric offers to drive them. Aw.

Dinner. Simon is not shrinking into nothingness. Yea? Shelby is inhaling her food. She excuses herself. Annie follows her. Mary and Lucy look around awkwardly.

Annie asks Shelby if everything's okay. Shelby reveals that she has to brush her teeth after eating to keep her braces clean. She keeps her tooth brush in her pocket, which just seems unsanitary. Her big secret is that her family doesn't have enough to eat, but she'd rather the girls think she has an eating disorder. But I don't understand how a family that can afford orthodontia can't afford food. Annie offers church assistance which is decent of her.

Lucy has learned her lesson about gossip. Aw

Outside. Simon and Matt explain to Eric what happened with the experiment. Eric busts on Matt for messing with Simon's mind. Matt gets it. Everyone agrees no more mind games. Except for when Simon decides to convince Matt that he's going bald. Matt falls for it. Hee.

Thoughts:

I half remember a promo for this episode, claiming that it would show how to talk about suicide cults with your children. Except Eric didn't really do that here. Instead he encouraged his son to play mind games with all his siblings. And that just seems like a terrible way to go about it. Unless Eric was secretly hoping to thin the herd.

Ruthie seemed way to excited at the possibility of controling her siblings minds. Sociopath in training that one.

Lucy, you suck. Shut up.

Eric is the worst minister ever. Like it's any of his business if a parishoner sells her house.

Mrs. Peacock is awesome and needs to be used to make fun of the Camdens at every opportunity.

Up next: Matt runs away from home, and thinks look shaky for Mary and Wilson.

Dangerous Liaisons Part 2

Previouslies-- recapped here: Dangerous Liaisons Part 1

Night at the Cam-mansion. Matt and the rest of the kids sit in the living room, waiting for news about Mary. Nobody is talking until Simon thinks it's not fair that their parents wouldn't let them hang out at the hospital during Mary's surgery. Matt snaps at him and defends the parents which surprises Lucy. She accuses Matt of towing the party line. Which he will continue to do for years to come. His siblings tease him about being a rebel.

The phone interupts their conversation. It's Eric checking in. He tells Matt that Mary is still in surgery and encourages Matt to take them out for food. He also asks about Heather because there is always time to hassle your kids about their potential love interest. Eric tells him to take everyone to a new cafe. Matt asks if the cops know who hit Mary, but there's no word. Srgt. Michael's must be slacking.

Matt gets off the phone and orders his siblings into the car.
The doorbell rings. It's Jimmy Moon. Lucy tries to figure out a way to hide her hair before Simon lets him in, but fails. Jimmy came to see how Lucy was doing in light of Mary's accident, but gets distracted by her hair. She yells at him and runs off. He asks Simon is the hair is permenant, and Simon replies, "If we're totally lucky." I can't imagine what he means by that.

Hospital. Wilson cons a nurse into giving him an update on Mary by claiming to be her brother. Grandpa overhears this, but doesn't correct the nurse. He then teases Wilson about not buying his "grandpa" a birthday present last year, saying he likes the color blue. Weird. Mary is still in surgery.

Grandpa starts spouting platitudes about how tomorrow is another day, but catches himself, saying sarcastically, "I may break into song any minute." I really like the grandparents on this show.

Grandpa catches Eric to ask about any news. Eric doesn't have any. Grandpa asks about his daughter, but Eric isn't in the mood to moderate and suggests he ask her himself. Grandpa doesn't think this is a good idea, but takes Eric's advice anyway. He also reveals that Ginger is packing at their hotel.

Wilson offers to get Annie and Eric some food. Eric takes him up on this offer. Still no word on the driver. What could Srgt. Michael's be doing with his time?

Grandpa enters the waiting room, only to be berated by Annie for showing up. He tells Annie that he loves Mary, and wanted to know what was going on. Annie gets her bitch on and starts to confront him about moving on from her mom so quickly. He explains that he has been grieving and that he needed Ginger's support to step back into the world. He also takes her to task about her behavior towards Ginger. They are interrupted by Eric announcing that Mary is out of surgery. Annie starts out of the room and Grandpa asks her to at least let him know how she is. Annie pauses, but doesn't answer. Because she is just that bitchy. Eric kinda nods.

At the cafe. The rest of the Camdens are just getting their menus. It is unusually quiet. Because everyone in the resteraunt is using sign language. Lucy has apparently heard about the place and says it's run by people who are deaf. Apparently, Glen Oak has quite the deaf community, but no school for the deaf, which is the only reason I can think of that Heather goes to school in Pennsylvania. Matt notes that Eric is trying to teach him a lesson. Because even when his daughter's in surgery, RevCamden can find the time to help his son stalk girls. Simon finds this impressive instead of creepy. They worry about how they are going to order, and Matt suggests that they point at the menu.

Hospital. Mary is being wheeled to her room from surgery. She's still groggy. Eric and Annie talk to the doctor. He starts telling them about the damage to her knee. He's very positive about Mary's recovery. They go in to talk to Mary. Wilson chooses this moment to deliver the burgers, giving Mary the opportunity to say, "I hope the accident didn't scare your son." Wilson looks a little panicky, but the Camparents think she meant his little brother. Wilson doesn't correct them.

Annie blames herself for the accident, but Eric reassures her that it was nobody's fault.

Resteraunt. The kids are eating when Matt sees Heather come in. She pointedly ignores him. This causes his siblings to tease him, and Matt orders them to finish eating 'cause he's ready to leave. Considering that it looks like they've just been served, that could take awhile.

Hotel. Ginger is getting into a cab, and breaking up with Grandpa. Grandpa looks sad. I dislike Annie even more.

Resteraunt. Matt flags down the waiter to ask how to sign "I'm sorry." The waiter shows him, and his siblings tease him some more. Ruthie offers to show him some other signs from Sesame Street, but Matt isn't interested. He gets up to apologize to Heather. Her friends laugh at him. Ruthie runs over and signs that Matt loves Heather, which Heather finds endearing instead of creepy. Aww.

Morning. Lucy is freaking out about going to school as a blonde. Considering her hair looks much better here than in later seasons, I'm not sure what the problem is. Annie tries to assure her that it looks fine, but Lucy doesn't calm down until Matt tells her the hair is sexy. Ew. She is super pleased by this. Double ew. She then asks her dad if it looks sexy. Triple ew. He tells her it looks nice, and that if his thirteen year-old daughter had sexy hair he'd shave her head. This scene is wigging me out, so let's move on.

Eric reveals that Mary is coming home tomorrow, and everyone gets ready to head for school. Matt thanks him for the resteraunt reccommendation, wondering how he knew Heather would be there. Matt, you're dad is a creepy stalker who keeps tabs on the whole town. Eric claims to have guessed because it's the only resteraunt in town that serves deaf people apparently.

Hospital. Grandpa is visiting Mary. He wanted to check in on her before he went back to Phoenix. She asks about Ginger and is sorry to hear that they've split up. Mrs. Peacock also drops into visit, bringing fast food. She's flirty with Grandpa, and offers him a ride to the airport. Grandpa looks less than thrilled.

Middle school. Lucy is twirling, finally excited about her new hair. Jimmy is upset about the change, especially since she didn't talk to him about it first. Jimmy is giving off quite the controlling vibe here. He doesn't like blondes. He tells her to call him when it's washed out. She threatens to find someone who likes her as a blonde. Tense.

Cam-Mansion. Annie is doing laundry. Eric tries to talk to her about her father. Annie still has her bitch on, even after Eric tells her that Ginger left. He tries to encourage her to see things from her father's point of view, and notes that happily married people often remarry quickly after the death of their spouse. Annie assumes that Eric is telling her he will remarry quickly, but I have to assume that Eric will be so glad to be free of his shrewish wife, that he'll embrace the single life. She does seem to hear him when he suggests that her behavior could result in a severed relationship with her father.

Hotel. Grandpa has convinced Mrs. Peacock to let him take a cab to the airport. She encourages him to follow his heart instead of letting Annie dictate how he should run his life. She tells him a whole story about her daughter driving away a love interest. Grandpa looks thoughtful.
Hospital. Annie and Mary talk about Wilson. Mary has decided after one date that he might be the one. She's worried that Eric and Annie might have a problem with him. Annie can't imagine why they would, and Mary does not elect to tell her...

Because Wilson is in Eric's office explaining that Billy is his son. He does that thing where he starts talking about a "friend." It takes Eric awhile to figure this out. Turns out that Billy's mother, who Wilson did marry, died in childbirth. After Wilson is finished with his story, he asks Eric's permission to date Mary, promising that he's now committed to sex in the context of marriage. Eric doesn't give him an answer.

High school. Matt greets Heather with a kiss. They make a date. Michael Towner approaches and asks him how Mary is doing. He ends up revealing that he was driving the car, causing Matt to lose his temper. Which given the circumstances is fairly understandable. Michael tries to convince Matt to pick a place and time if Matt is going to get violent, but Matt can't wait and starts punching him on school grounds. Heather freaks out and drives off. A teacher rushes over to break up the fight, but Michael covers for Matt. After everyone disperses, Matt realizes Heather is gone.

Night. Annie is folding laundry when Ruthie comes in with the promise of a surprise. It's Grandpa. He and Annie finally talk it out. He also mentions the story Mrs. Peacock told him. After he leaves, Annie calls Mrs. Peacock to thank her, and to confirm that Mrs. Peacock doesn't have a daughter. Heh. When they hang up, Mrs. Peacock pronounces them all nuts. True that.

Hospital. Michael Towner brings Mary a teddy bear. Judging by his bruise, Matt really clocked him good. He confesses, and tells her that the Camdens decided not to press charges. If Eric didn't own Srgt. Michaels, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have a say in the matter. He apologizes, and Mary tells him that she thinks he's a jerk but that she doesn't hate him. Michael promises that he's going to change his life. He even apologizes for hasseling Wilson when the boy enters the room.

Wilson reveals that he told the Reverend about his son. Mary is worried about her mom's reaction. Probably 'cause she knows Annie is crazy.
Matt is waiting for Heather at the cafe. She seems to be standing him up. But then she shows up and tells him that they don't know each other very well. And that he scared her when he beat up Michael. She asks him to write to her at school to give them time to get to know each other. Then she leaves.

Cam-Mansion. Simon, Ruthie and Eric are listening to Lucy cry through her bedroom door. Eric gets ready to go talk to her, but Simon decides he wants to handle it, since he's the expert on her hair. Lucy tells him that Jimmy took her friend Ashley on a date, meaning they have broken up. Lucy is predicting that the next day is going to be the worst day of her life. Mind you, she says this the day after her sister nearly got killed in a car accident. Lucy, get some perspective.

Simon gives her a pep talk about how Jimmy Moon isn't good enough for her, reasoning that he's not enough like Eric. Weird. And ew. Lucy seems to feel better, and Simon signs that he's sorry.

Matt and Annie talk. She lectures him about resorting to violence, and demands that he quash rumors about Michael running over Mary on purpose. Annie also threatens to hunt him herself if Michael doesn't learn from the experience. I'd be worried if I were Michael.

Hospital. Mary is getting ready to leave. The doctor sets a follow-up appointment, and Mary makes a comment about getting back in the game. The doctor pulls Eric aside to mention that Mary might have a tough road to recovery. Eric takes this to indicate that she might not be ready to go home and yells at the doctor, without really giving him a chance to explain. The scene cuts away before we find out what the problem is.

Back at the house, Annie has a surprise for her father. She invited Ginger to Mary's homecoming party. Ginger enlists Grandpa's help with party decorations, noting that Simon pulled something blowing up balloons. The less said about that the better. Looks like everything's resolved on that front. Except that Annie stil looks pretty tense.

Matt asks if they can be late for school, and Annie says that everyone's taking the day off. She also mentions that Heather left a message and pretends to forget what the message was. Turns out that Heather is at the Camden's.

Heather is teaching Lucy some sign language. Matt comes in, and they kiss while Lucy looks on smiling.

Eric and Mary pull up to the house. She wants to know what the doctor said earlier. Basically, her knee injury might be extensive enough to prevent her from ever playing basketball again. They're both in near tears for most of the conversation. Mary expresses her determination to fully recover and breaks down in to full on tears. Eric encourages her, and is sure that she can do anything she sets her mind to. She doesn't want to tell the rest of the family just yet, and orders Eric to look happier.

There's a party set up in the backyard. Simon and Ruthie are prying into Grandpa and Ginger's relationship, seeming to push them towards marriage. Wilson asks Annie if she's heard about his situation. Annie tells him that he can visit Mary while she's recovering, giving the family time to get to know him. Surprisingly fair, coming from the Camdens.

Eric wheels Mary into the yard. Hugs all around. They start playing basketball. Wilson is pushing her wheelchair. Annie asks Eric what's wrong, so Eric tells her what the doctor said. Annie notes that Mary is already playing basketball.

They join the game, as the scene fades out, ending the first of many seasons.

Thoughts:

It's completely improbable that Michael Towner would be the driver of the car, but I guess this enables him to learn the lesson he didn't learn in the episode he spent harrassing Mary.

I still can't get over how rude Annie is to her father and Ginger.

The fight scene between Matt and Michael actually resembled the kind of fights people have in high school.

If I were Heather, I would find Matt's showing up at that resteraunt creepy instead of cute.

Also, I really don't understand why Jimmy Moon is so upset about Lucy's hair.

Or why Lucy is so excited when Matt says her hair is sexy. Or why Lucy is hoping her father will find it sexy. Ew, because it can't be said enough.

One season down. Ten to go.

With a Little Help from My Friends

Eric is upset that Matt didn't show up for church. No one in the family knows where he is. They assume it has something to do with a girl. Given that it's Matt, that's probably a good guess.

Simon wonders when Happy will have her puppies. I had almost forgotten about that plot line.

The phone rings. Matt's sorry he wasn't in church, but he won't say why, just that he's helping someone. Eric lies about being upset. He's trying to trust him.

Lucy is super concerned about doing something special for her thirteenth birthday. Mary dismisses this desire because neither her or Matt made a big deal about turning thirteen. Apparently, celebrating birthdays isn't a big deal in the Camden household until the twins are born in Season 3. Lucy wants a boy-girl party, but her parents think she's way too young. Really? She snits out of the room.

Matt, it turns out, is helping Mrs. Peacock replace some light bulbs. Not sure why she wants to keep that particular activity a secret. She is worried about getting sent to a nursing home for needing too much help, but replacing light bulbs seems fairly inocuous. Matt looks uncomfortable at the prospect of lying to his father.

Morning. Simon can't find Happy. Lucy is whining about not having a party for her birthday. She explains her family's policy on gifts, which will continue through later season. The Camdens only give gifts that they make or find or are hand-me down. Jimmy Moon takes this as permission not to give her anything. Lucy passive-aggressively agrees.

Simon bitches Matt out for letting Happy into the yard by herself. He decides he's not leaving until they take Happy to the hospital to have her puppies. His parents explain that they don't need to take Happy to the hospital. Simon is way too much of a spaz to listen. He also refers to himself as Happy's "husband, master, only man in her life." Ew.

Eric is in a hurry to get to the church before someone gets there. He still takes time to needle Matt about missing church the previous day. Eric also needs tools to take the church. Apparently he's breaking things at the church so he can pay someone named Steve to fix them. That seems fiscally responsible.

Lucy's school. Some kid is inviting students to his birthday party. He's pretty rude when they turn him down, can't imagine why they don't want to go. His name is Dwight and he's a friend of Jimmy Moon's. Dwight invites Lucy to share his birthday party, but she's not that enthused. She makes an excuse about a family dinner. She's upset that Jimmy would rather go to Dwight's party.

Eric is breaking a drain pipe. He gets caught by that Steve fellow. Eric tries to give him some money from his family fun, but Steve thinks he should use it for someone in more need.

High School. Matt has been called to the office by a call from Mrs. Peacock. She's claimed to be Eric's sister. Hee. She needs Matt to come over right away. The office aide gives him permission to leave just as Mary happens by. Matt tries to dissuade her, but Mary is all too happy to ditch school.

Mrs. Peacock won't open the door, so Mary just wanders in. Mrs. Peacock is asleep on the coach, and Matt wakes her up. She can't remember why she called Matt because she was distracted by her tv shows. She offers to take them both for ice cream. Matt sends Mary outside. He tells Mrs. Peacock that he's not sure he's up to the helping her as much as she needs. He wants to talk to his dad. He promises to call her later. She looks sad and flustered.

Outside, Mary is suddenly worried about getting caught. Matt reminds her that she wanted to come on this trip, and that he promised to keep it a secret.
Camdens. Dwight is trying to convince Annie to let Lucy go to his party. Lucy is not happy to this turn of events. Simon is upset that Annie let Happy outside alone. Annie asks Mary and Matt to convince Lucy to go to the party.

Evening. Eric is working on his sermon, but he's having trouble because he can't stop thinking about Steve. Eric can't seem to find anyone who needs help right now. I wonder if that could possibly tie in to another story line.

Simon is still overly concerned about Happy.

The phone rings. Eric answers. He understands someone's concern. Hmm.

In the kitchen, Happy has had her puppies. Annie and the kids all gather around to stare at them.

This cute scene is interupted by Eric's revelation that the school secretary called to find out about Aunt Gladys. He doesn't make the connection to Mrs. Peacock, even though her first name is Gladys. He wants to know who lied to the school. They won't reveal who called the school. Annie is under some delusion that it had something to do with Lucy's birthday.

Annie wants to trust them, but Eric points out that they skipped school and lied about an emergency. And really, since they didn't tell him why, I agree they should be punished. Annie is basing her desire to let off entirely on intuition. She tells Eric to have a little faith.

Simon and Ruthie are trying to pick names for the puppies. Nothing else happens.
Lucy is still whining about the party. Mary is trying to help gain some perspective. Lucy doesn't want to share her party and thinks she has cooler friends that Dwight and Jimmy. Lucy, you're the one dating the Moonster. Mary is appropriately disgusted with her sister's attitude.

Morning. Eric is going to check on Steve. Simon apparently got up everytime the puppies ate to feed Happy. Cause he's stupid.

The phone rings. It's Mrs. Peacock for Matt. She wants Matt to come by before school, but he doesn't have time. And he's still worried about getting in more trouble. Mrs. Peacock is quite frantic about needing him to get a coffee can of money off a high shelf. He won't agree to come by unti after school.

Eric finds out that Steve and his family are living in their van. Steve is still optimistic and feels grateful to have the van. Eric offers him money, or to stay with the Camdens. Steve just wants Eric to pray for him.

Mrs. Peacock has decided to get the can herself. She's having trouble getting her footing. She falls.

Night. Lucy tells her father that she's not going to Dwight's party because it's not the same as having her own party. Eric bitches her out for complaining, saying she should be grateful for what she has. Lucy runs out of the room crying.

Girls room. Lucy is crying on the bed. Eric comes in to apologize for snapping at her earlier. He explains about Steve's family. It's really more of a guilt trip disguised as an apology. Lucy feels properly ashamed of herself.

Phone. Matt tries to rush off to the hospital. Eric calls him out on having more secrets and not trusting him and Annie. Matt calls Eric about on how he doesn't trust his kids, but does reveal that he's going to see Mrs. Peacock. He tells him the whole situation. Eric decides to go to the hospital with Matt.

Ruthie and Simon discuss giving the puppies to Lucy. Ruthie is horrified by the possibility of splitting the puppies up.

Mrs. Peacock's doctor is telling Eric fairly confidential information about her condition.

Mrs. Peacock is trying to convince Matt to steal hospital stuff. She invites Eric to come in and join them rather than snooping. She doesn't blame Matt, though. She notes the Reverend is a nosy guy. I love Mrs. Peacock.

Eric suggests she hire Steve and his wife to do some work around her house while she recovers. The plots are coming together.

Lucy's school. Jimmy reveals that Dwight's party was really a surprise party for her. She invites Dwight and Jimmy over for cake, but Jimmy turns her down. Lucy is even more ashamed as she walks away. Dwight pops out and gives Jimmy a big thumbs up. Wonder what they're up to.

Mrs. Peacock's. Steve is working on her stairs. Matt brings over a dish from Annie. Mrs. Steve brings Mrs. Peacock her pills. Their daughter is going to be hanging out with Mrs. Peacock during the day. She asks Steve if his family would like to stay with her, and fix up her garage into a guest house. Looks like the Reverend's plan worked out.

Night. The Camdens return from Lucy's birthday dinner. She's still upset about how she treated Dwight. Annie suggests they have cake in the living room.

And it's Lucy's surprise party! She apologizes for her behavior and she thanks her parents. Eric asks her to dance and then promises t go upstairs. She tells him he's welcome to stay. Annie dances with Jimmy. Mary dances with Dwight.

Dwight cuts in on Lucy, so that he can profess his love for her. Lucy looks positively disgusted.

Bedtime. Lucy is confiding in Mary while the rest of the family is listening at the door. Mary is trying to get her to shut up so the rest of the family can come in with her presents.

Ruthie lets Lucy use her imaginary friend for the day. Simon is going to give her thirteen days of making her bed, and reveals that Dwight wants the puppies. Matt and Mary give her a basket of stuff she'll need for her teen years. Eric, near tears, gives her a baby picture, causing her to cry. Annie gives her a necklas that her mother gave her when she was thirteen. It's pretty sweet.

The episode closes with everyone telling Lucy Happy Birthday.

Thoughts:

I'm going to assume that Annie gave Lucy the necklas because Grandma died that year and not because she was waiting for her daughter to turn thirteen. Otherwise, it's pretty cold to have passed on Mary the year before.

Pilot: Any Way You Want It

The very first episode, where we are introduced to the Camdens. Who knew then that this was the beginning of the longest running family drama? Seriously, I still can't believe this show lasted eleven years!

We open with Annie and Erik in bed, totally about to get it on. All of the kids come interupting to the room youngest to oldest. Matt, the oldest son, gets everybody leave. He gives his parents a knowing nod, which is a little icky, though not as icky as what happens later in the episode. The cast looks so young in 1996.

The Camden parents open a bottle of wine (unheard of in later seasons) though the liquid in the glasses looks more like water. Maybe the Reverend has the power to turn wine into water. That seems like a pretty lame power to have.

Dinner gives the writers a chance to set up the family dynamic and the various subplots for all the siblings. Matt is avoiding his father. Mary wants an older boyfriend. Simon wants a dog. Lucy is a hormonal mess, and wants to be treated like an adult. I know it's been said before but, Ruthie looks like she's adopted. Either that or Annie has a secret. Lucy storms up to her room without eating after her father notices how adult she seems to be. Best way to prove maturity-- throw a hissy fit.

Cut to Eric clearing the table and Annie fixing something under the kitchen sink. They explain Annie's vast array of skills in home repair as 'pregnancy projects.' Eric joins her under the sink and Simon catches them making out, commenting, "A dog is a lot less trouble than a baby." Ew. These kids seem far too aware of their parents' sex life. Simon would rather talk to Annie, which leaves Eric free to discuss puberty with his middle daughter. Not sure why they can't both talk to Simon and then have the mother talk to Lucy. Cause when I was thirteen, the last person I wanted to discuss menstration with was my father.

Eric catches Ruthie and Lucy standing on their heads, trying to become women (Mary told her this would jump start her period) and Lucy once again freaks and runs out of the room. There should be a drinking game around that. She does it a lot. She locks her self in the bathroom, so Eric has this awkward conversation with the bathroom door, wherein he reveals that he once bought anatomically correct dolls for her and tries to casually ask if she's gotten her period yet. Lucy throws a hairbrush at the door and screams at him to go away. Anyone getting the idea that Lucy is a little emotional?

Simon tries the hard sell on his mom to get a dog. He's trying to be clever about it, but it's clear Annie is not budging.

And beginning on of the more uncomfortable scenes in television history, Matt is smoking while Mary practices basketball. Matt is an idiot who thinks breath spray will ensure his parents don't find out.

Mary wants to talk to her brother about guys. She feels too tall to date guys her own age. She reveals she's never been kissed, due to this height thing. Apparently, Mary thinks the best person to practice on is her older brother. He looks shocked and then intrigued. Ewww!

Annie's parents are coming to town. And Simon is still not getting a dog. Unless one happens to wander into their yard. Hmm, I guess the family will have a dog by the end of the episode.

Matt and Mary get way to close, nearly kissing. Eric catches them and is suitably freaked out. Again, eww. Doesn't Mary have friends she can get advice from. Who goes to their brother to get advice about how to kiss? To the point of practicing on him?

Annie tries to talk periods with Lucy. She finds her hiding in her closet, worrying about being the only one in her class without hers. Annie quotes the Bible at her, but Lucy doesn't feel better.

Matt loses at pool with his father, which means Eric can reveal that he knows Matt is smoking. Matt is still an idiot. Eric gets him a job to help him afford his cigarrettes, since he's withholding allowance. It is also revealed that Matt has stopped coming to church, and that Eric thinks Matt should cut his hair.

TV church always has people singing Amazing Grace. Simon still wants a dog. Ruthie is still in the show. Matt joins his family at church. Eric quotes the same verse as Annie during his sermon and Lucy freaks and runs out the room. Drink.

Annie talks Eric out of continuing to try to talk to Lucy about puberty. She also points out that Lucy is very different than Mary and that Eric's dream is to have his daughters ask him to buy their tampons. Weird. And ew.

The girls go jogging and exposit that the family doesn't own the house-- they live in a rectory. They run into Matt's friend Jeff (literally) and it's clear that this is the guy Mary wants to kiss. Far more appropriate than her brother. They make a date to play basketball.

Lucy drops a tampon and run away. Drink

Simon is still waiting for a dog. Kid's obsessed.

Eric blackmails Matt into attending church for six months if he loses this job and Matt reveals that Mary is getting interested in boys. Her father and brother are way overprotective, Annie wants to let Mary date older guys.

Lucy has a crush on Prince Charles. Weird. I mean in 1996 everyone I knew had a crush on Prince William. No one had a crush on his father.

Jeff drops by to talk to Matt. Lucy freaks and runs away (drink). Matt doesn't want Jeff dating his sister.

Mary finds out that she can date older guys and takes a page out of Lucy's book-- she's freaks out and runs out of the room. I would have thought she'd be pleased to ba able to date Matt's friends. (Great improvement over kissing her brother).

Matt shows up at his job to find Mrs. Peacock with an oxygen tank, desperatley trying to find her cigarrettes. (The characters name is Mrs. Bink, but she played Mrs. Peacock in Clue, so that is what I am calling her).I wonder if there's a lesson in here for Matt.

Lucy gets her period. And asks her dad to buy her tampons. I'd think she could just borrow some from her mom or older sister. At least one of Eric's dreams has been realized. He suggests that Lucy, Annie and Mary go out for dinner the next night to celebrate. That was actually sweet.


Eric's attempt to explain to Simon that prayer is not an atm machine for our wishes is undermined by a dag appearing in the yard. As per their earlier agreement, Simon gets to keep it. Annie went to the pound and got sucked in. Simon's faith in God is renewed.

Matt doesn't want Mary to date his friends and she assaults him.

Matt has lost his Job and Mrs. Peacock isn't really on a respirator. Sneaky Reverend.
Eric also overreacts at the thought of his daughter's crush on Matt's friend. He and Matt watch Mary play basketball with a sixteen year old they've both known for years.

Simon and Ruthie try to train their new dog. Someone probably thought it would be cute for the youngest Camden to pretend to be a dog.

Matt asks Mary not to date his friend for a month. Mary respond to Matt like he has the right to parent her, thus setting up Matt's inappropriate involvement in his sisters' personal lives.

Annie doesn't want to have sex with her husband in her home while her parents are in town. Is it normal to still be discussing this when you've been married for almost twenty years?

Eric and Annie have a fight about their kids. They feel like they are not communicating about the kids. Especially when Eric reveals that Matt went to pick up the grandparents at the airport. Annie wants them to get on the same page.

Dinner with the grandparents. Grandma is being extra generous with presents. Suspiciously so. Clearly something is wrong. Annie sends Matt out of the room so the adults can talk. One of the few times that Matt gets lumped in with his siblings.
Grandma has cancer. She doesn't want treatment. Annie is upset that they don't want to try the treatment. It's a pretty moving scene.

The dog is named Happy. Ruthie's idea. Matt psychically intuits that Happy is pregnant. Seriously, how on earth did he figure that out?

The show closes with everyone playing with the new dog in the front yard. Aww.

Other Ideas:
Not a bad start. A lot of exposition, but the characters are just being introduced.
Still creeped out that Mary wanted to kiss her brother.

May reformat for the next episode and recap each subplot separately. It might make more sense than going back and forth.