It's About George

We open with the Colonel (yea!) and the rest of the family waiting to take Julie home from Rehab. The Colonel thinks they shoud have waited for Eric to finish with some meeting. George gives him a pep talk. Julie comes down and expresses nervousness about seeing her parents and meeting George. Everyone tries to be reassuring. Julie and her parents make some awkward conversation. George promises to look out for her.

Eric is playing pool while he waits for the Chief of Police. Something about reacclimating a cop by the name of Will Grayson who just got out of the witness protection program. Will and the Chief meet with Eric. Will is going back on the force. His real issue is to locate his son, who he gave up for adoption before he testified in some Mafia trial. He reveals the kid would be about 10 and his name is George. Because no coincidence is too unlikely for 7th Heaven to take on.

Back at the Camden's, Mary and Lucy are trying to prepare Jimmy Moon for meeting the Colonel. Matt thinks this pointless, as the Colonel and Ruth will most likely tear him to shreds anyway. He and Mary role play to demonstrate how the meeting will most likely go. This causes Matt to uses a breadstick as a fake cigar. They do a fair impression of their grandparents. Jimmy thinks they're exaggerating. Lucy suggests he comes back tomorrow. To which he replies, "Whatever." Whatever indeed Mr. Moon.

Upstairs, the Colonel and Ruth try to talk to Julie about her future plans. She's looking forward to spending sometime with her brother's family. Julie points out that she just got out of rehab and hasn't had time to think about it. The scene amounts to the Colonel and Ruth trying to get of sense of Julie's plans and Julie feeling pressured by it. They offer to put her up at their home, but Julie seems reluctant. Julie and her parents seem awkward and distant from each other. Julie looks like she's having trouble coping with her parents.

Garage. George and Simon still don't like each other.

Night. The family is sitting around the dinner table while Eric tells a story about the Colonel picking a fight with Mickey Mouse at Disney Land. Everyone finds it amusing. Except Julie, who suggests that the Colonel could take George to Magic Mountain and beat up Bugs Bunny. An awkward silence descends, which Annie breaks by telling everyone she's been building a boat for the Colonel and George. She leads everyone out to see it, so that Julie and Eric can talk.

She tells Eric that she's having a hard time, especially with her parents around. They have a sweet moment. Then she asks if something is wrong. Eric admits that there is, and that it's about George.

Outside, the boat looks like a disaster waiting to happen. With boards sticking out and random colors of paint. Annie tries to defend it as a work in progress, but that doesn't stop her children from laughing at her. Ruth joins in, but George asks the Colonel for permission to laugh and is denied. Instead the Colonel gives a speech about an incident in the Korean War. He tells Annie that he and George will be proud to sail in the boat. Everyone else is still laughing at Annie though.

Bedtime. Lucy and Mary are sharing their room with Julie and Ruthie. Lucy is prying into Julie's life plan, but Julie hasn't found any answers in the last few hours. She tells the girls that she needs to figure out where she wants to live. Then she changes the subject to ask about Mary's basketball career and Lucy's boyfriend. After making Lucy more nervous about the prospect of having Jimmy Moon meet the Colonel, Ruthie asks why Julie doesn't like the Colonel. Julie fudges an answer and everyone encourages her to give a chance because George has changed them so much. This causes Julie to get quiet. Everyone goes to bed. Lucy and Mary think somethings up.

The Colonel and Ruth are in the master bedroom. He's upset about how Julie's been acting. Ruth tries to make him feel better about it. They start talking about George, all happy about having him in the family.

Eric and Annie are trying to share Matt's twin bed again. Because that was so much fun the last time the Colonel was in town. Eric tells her about the situation with Will Grayson and his son. Annie thinks this is a good idea, until she learns that it's George that Eric is talking about. They both look sad.

Morning. Jimmy meets Lucy grandparents. The Colonel and Ruth replay the exact scene Matt and Mary performed earlier. It's actually pretty funny. Especially since Jimmy and Lucy both look terrified. The Colonel dismisses them and the two adults laugh at their joke. Eric pops in to ask them into his office to talk.

Outside, Jimmy and Lucy are discussing the meeting. Jimmy tries to pretend he wasn't properly prepared, but Lucy calls him on it. He agrees, saying he fell victim to his own arrogance. What teenager talks like that?

In Eric's office, Eric breaks the news about George to his parents. They take it pretty hard. The Colonel asks Eric to help them keep custody of George, but Eric says there's nothing he can do. The Colonel storms out, and Ruth asks Eric if he knew what it took for the Colonel to ask for help. She then asks Eric if he thinks that Will Grayson should get custody of George. Eric makes the mistake of indicating a yes answer, earning him a slap across the face. It's pretty awesome to watch. Ruth looks pretty shocked at her action, saying she and the Colonel don't know how to be helpless.

George reveals that is really is a Camden by coming out from hiding behind a cabinet. Eric convinces George to meet the guy. George leaves, and Eric actually starts praying. Which happens surprisingly little for a show about a minister.
George is hanging with Simon and Ruthie, preparing to meet his father. Ruth and the Colonel come in to assure him that they intend to fight for custody. Eric comes in to take George to the meeting. Ruthie gives him a hug and Simon gives him a pat on the shoulder for good measure. They both look despondent.

George is nervous about meeting his father. Eric talks him up. Will meets them there, and apologizes for uprooting him one more time. George asks for a timeline. He's pretty stoic about it. He announces that he'll wait outside. Eric and Will discuss him a bit, until Eric remembers that George has a history of running away. They both head outside, but George is nowhere to be seen.

Night. Julie is trying to comfort her mother, but makes the mistake of refering to Will as his father. Ruth corrects her, insisting that the Colonel is George's father. Annie is making tea. Julie is trying to be way to rational about the situation, which is not comforting to Ruth. Ruth confronts Julie on her behaviour towards her father. Julie calls her father 'a stone,' causing Ruth to go on a rant about how the entire situation is Julie's fault. Her rationale doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but her kid is missing, she's not thinking straight. Annie tries too late to head off the fight. Ruth tries to apologize, but Julie's not hearing it. She starts yelling at her mother about what a loser she is, but blames her mother for raising her that way. Ruth responds by denying respnsibility and leaving the room.

Church. George is stealing from Eric's office, when Eric catches him. George is feeling torn between the Camdens and his father. He thinks they're both great. How he knows Will is great after a ten second meeting, I'm not sure. Eric convinces him to come back to the Cam-mansion.

The Colonel is sitting outside alone. Mary comes out to tell him that George is back. Mary heads off to bed, pausing to tell the Colonel that she loves him.
Julie is sneaking around the kitchen with a bottle of wine. Matt catches her and talks her out of drinking it. Julie tries to make excuses, but Matt suggests she talk to her father instead.

He's outside, sitting in Annie's boat, crying. Julie goes out to comfort him. He feels as though he's lost his children, but Julie climbs in the boat next to him to tell him that she's not lost. They make up and comfort each other. Ruth watches from the window.

Morning. Julie tells Matt that she didn't take the drink. George asks Simon to look out for the Colonel and Ruth. Simon promises. The boys seem to be getting along better. Simon catches Ruthie listening at the door.

In Eric's office, the Colonel is trashing a plan that Eric has come up with. Will Grayson thinks it is ridiculous as well. The women in the room think it's a great plan. Eric tries to spin it as what's best for George. Annie suggests they fix up their guest house for George's father. Ruth reveals they were planning to offer it to Julie. This is news to the Colonel.

Will wants to know what he's supposed to do in New York, and Eric suggests that they need cops there, too. Will says applying for a transfer would take months, so Ruth offer's the Colonel's connections to speed the process. The Colonel doesn't want to, but Ruth lays down the law, even going so far as to call him John. Eventually all the adults agree.

The Colonel catches all the kids listening at the door and sends them to get their bags. He has George, Lucy and Jimmy Moon wait because he wants to talk to them. He sends the lovebirds to the living room, and offers George a choice between going back with Will or with them. He chooses the Camdens.

Julie wonders how they're going to get the boat to New York. She and Will go to look at it. It looks much more finished. He invites her to ride with him to New York, and she agrees. I sense sparks.

The Colonel and Ruth apoloogize to Jimmy Moon for their behavior at their earlier meeting. The Colonel still manages to freak him out, suggesting that if anyone were to hurt Lucy he'd hunt them down like a dog. Jimmy accepts the apology. He still thinks they're scary.

In the kitchen, Annie, Eric and Julie beg Matt and Mary to do their impression of the Colonel and Ruth. Matt and Mary are reluctant at first, but eventually give in. They really get into, and the adults find it amusing, until the Colonel and Ruth come into the kitchen. Fortunately, the grandparents find it as amusing as I do. Laughs and hugs all round.

Thoughts:

Eric should not have been involved in George's situation due to the obvious conflict of interest. And also, how is it that none of these adults hired a lawyer?

Also, what if George had been adopted as an infant? It seems that whatever the situation, Will was unnecessarily disrupting George's life.

So, did the Camdens just leave their liquor cabinet stocked, knowing that they would be hosting a woman who just got out of rehab, or did Julie make the effort to buy that bottle of wine?

Matt and Mary's impression of their grandparents is pretty funny.

Seven is Enough

We open with the Camdens at the airport. Ruthie wants to know why they call the Grandfather 'Colonel.' Basically, it's because Eric is too afraid of his dad to call him anything else, even if Annie does try to sell her kids on some excuse about respecting his military career. None of the kids are happy about the impending visit. They are also really ungrateful about some candy that the grandparents always bring. Man, they are being seriously bratty about the people flying across the country to visit their whiny butts.

Cut to the Colonel and his wife, Ruth. They are so awesome. They can't believe the whole family came to pick them up. The Colonel compares them to wolves. Apparently, the grandparents don't think too much of the candy either, but since they think the kids love it, they keep bringing it with them. See, this is why you should be honest with people. Everyone fake smiles as they greet each other.

Back at the Camden mansion, Annie has rewired the entire house to use the Clapper. Which means that nothing works because Annie doesn't know what she's doing. Music starts blaring. Grandma passes out the candy; everyone goes on about so that the tradition nobody likes can continue for the next visit. Ruth gets a dig in about how long Matt's hair is. Heh.

Annie sends them upstairs to relax and unpack. They offer their condolensences about her mother's passing. About four months after she died. Maybe they were in touch earlier and wanted to express it again in person, but that's not how the scene reads. The Colonel decides to send Annie's father some steaks. Cool?

Eric sends his children off to hide from his parents. Who just traveled across the country to visit them. Nice.

In the master bedroom, the Colonel and Ruth start snarking on their grandkids. It'd seem kind of mean if they weren't so spot on. Lucy has already been boring them to death about Jimmy Moon. Ruth is worn out by their perkiness. Apparently they do approve of Annie and Mary. Ruth thinks they should try to come out more than once a year, but the Colonel points out that the candy is too expensive.

Matt, Lucy, Simon and Ruthie are hiding in the garage. Simon asks Matt for advice about how to survive the next seven days because he seems to be under the impression that the Colonel may kill them all. Matt suggests that they not show fear or make eye contact. With their grandparents. Eric joins them and tries to pretend he's not hiding from his father. Maybe the Colonel and Ruth should have just bought tickets for Mary and Annie to visit them.

Annie invites the grandparents on an outing to the hardware store. I'm going to assume they agree only to get away from the rest of the family because it sounds really boring to me. Lucy invites herself along, even though she hates the hardware store, so that she can spend time catching up with her grandparents. They are suitably horrified at the prospect of hearing any more about Jimmy Moon, and suggest that they visit later. Mary offers to go in order to give Lucy someone to talk to. They all head out.

Simon has entered a raffle and is fully expecting to win a Viper. Because he's that lucky. He tries to explain how awesome a Viper is to Ruthie, but she's as bored with this subplot as I am.

At the hardware store, Lucy is still boring her grandparents with stories about Jimmy Moon. I don't know how she possibly has anything more to say about him, but she keeps on talking. Mary threatens to tape her mouth shut, and Ruth laughs in spite of herself.
Annie notices that the cashier has a new necklace. Because she spends enough time at the hardware store to notice such things as staff accessorizing. Although, with the number trips to the hardware store that occur in this episode alone, it's possibly her second home. They were a gift from her son about a month ago, coinciding with the car-jacking episode. Lucy and Mary think they look a lot like Annie's rings. Annie doesn't think the rings are hers, but she's the only member of her hardware store shopping party who doesn't. Including the grandparents.

The Colonel comes into Eric's office for a chat. With a lit cigar. I think he did that just to annoy Eric. He wants to talk to Eric about all the potential problems his family is in for. And find out about what happened with Julie. He's not very sympathetic to Julie's problems.

He accuses Eric of being a dreamer, but having no grounding in reality. Heh. He lists all the problems of the Camden kids as he sees it. He thinks Matt's a rebel, which is amusingly off-base considering later seasons. But considering that in this season, he backed into a cop car and got arrested just last episode, the audience is probably supposed to agree with this assessment. He's also noticed that Lucy is crying out for attention. True. And that Simon and Ruthie are spoiled. Also true. Eric thinks he knows his kids better. Probably from spying on them.

The Colonel challenges Eric's observation skills by asking him how many people are in the room. Eric incorrectly says two, but the Colonel finds a little boy hiding behind the vestments. He introduces himself as George the Orphan.

Night at the Camdens'. Eric has somehow gotten permission to keep George for the weekend. We get some back story about his many foster homes. The Colonel thinks this might teach his grandkids some gratitude, which annoys Eric. Who was bitching about Lucy's lack of gratitude not more than two episodes ago. He slaps his head, which turns out the lights. Because the Clapper joke hasn't gotten old yet.

Simon and George are discussing the Viper. George doesn't think much of Simon's supernatural luck. The point of the scene is that they don't get along. And to facilitate another wacky Clapper mishap. The lights won't turn off, so George has to get up and turn them off. Wacky.

Ruthie asks Matt, as he's preparing a bed on the couch, if she can stay in the living room with him. She feels too sad around George because he's an orphan. Matt agrees to let her sleep on the couch.

Annie and Eric are trying to share Matt's twin bed. It's not working out. They discuss the possibility of adopting George. Apparently they'd always planned to adopt, but since they don't seem to have a working birth control method, they never got around to it. They decide to try to adopt George.

And Eric doesn't feel comfortable having sex while his parents are down the hall. Annie gives him crap about it, but if I recall, she didn't want to have sex when her parents were visiting either.

The Colonel is lying in bed, lighting up a cigar. He and Ruth flirt a bit before breaking out the five-card draw. They have a brief panic moment when someone knocks on the door, but it's none of their grandkids-- only George wanting in on the game. They let him play.

They start grilling him on what he's really doing there. Ruth knows that he saw the Camdens as an easy target for his adoption plan. George is not thrilled that they have so many kids. He then challenges the Colonel about whether he's seen any real action. Let the games begin.

Morning. The Camdens are having a family meeting in the garage. Annie and Eric tell the kids that they want to adopt George. The kids are not thrilled. They raise some fairly valid concerns about finances and the amount of time another child would take, which annoys the parents terribly.

The grandparents find George eating breakfast alone. He tells them about the family meeting, and is ready to stoically accept his fate. No, George, get out while you can! The Colonel and Ruth reasonably think Eric and Annie should not be adopting George.

Matt and Mary discuss the possibility of having more freedom if their parents are distracted by another child. Matt offers Mary an impromptue driving lesson. This will end well.

The Colonel and Ruth confront the Camdens about the idiocy of adding another kid to their family. Eric suggests that their involvement shouldn't really extend beyond the extra bag of candy. The Colonel is rightly insulted. He lays into his son about finances, which lets Eric make a snide comments about paying his own way in seminary. Which leads into a fight about how Eric thinks he had terrible parents and the Colonel defends his parenting choices. I love when Eric encounters someone who won't bend to his will. He just has no idea what to do in such situations.

Simon and Ruthie are playing in a cardboard car. Simon and George continue to not get along and Ruthie is just kind of there. George offers to teach them how to hotwire the Camdens car. This will end well.

Lucy tries to apologize for bugging her grandparents with her endless tales of Jimmy Moon, but gets tongue-tied and runs off. The grandparents are confused.

They ask Annie if they could borrow a car to go to the hardware store. Really? The hardware store? I wonder what is so fascinating about the Glen Oak hardware store that people visiting from New York state would want to make repeat visits. Lucy overhears this because Camdens can't help but eavesdrop. Eric is upset about lending his dad a car.

Matt and Mary return home upset. Mary scratched the van while crashing into a neighbor's mailbox. The Colonel and Ruth offer to drive Matt to a barber shop and make fun of his hair some more. Did I mention that I love them?

Annie finds Lucy crying in her closet. She's been trying to get close to her grandparents, but doesn't know how. Lucy, here's a hint, no one else cares about Jimmy Moon. Lucy also thinks they went to the hardware store to get Annie's rings back. That would actually make some kind of sense, I suppose. Annie and Eric panic at the possibility.

In the meantime, George has broken into their van with Simon and Ruthie. They all climb in. And promptly get caught by the rest of the family in their dash to head off the Colonel at the hardware store. George pulls an "I'm a poor orphan" face, and everyone gets sent to their room.

Eric leaves for the hardware store and Matt tries to prevent Annie from seeing the scratch.

Eric wanders around with a plunger, until he finally asks the cashier about seeing his parents. He asks her about the rings and offers to buy them off her. The cashier notes that Annie said the rings weren't hers, and that they have sentimental value to her. Eric leaves her with the plunger.

Turns out the Colonel and Ruth didn't go to the hardware store. Instead, they've gone to see George's social worker about the possibility of adopting him themselves. Heh. The case worker likes the idea, noting that the arrangements were easier when the governor calls ahead. The Camdens are quite connected.

Night. The Colonel and Ruth have brought dessert. Eric grills them about where they've been. The Colonel comes right out and tells them that they want to adopt George. Eric doesn't think his parents are loving or supportive. The Colonel defends his parenting choices. So much yelling. The Colonel suggests that Eric's opposition has more to do with spite than anything else, and storms out of the kitchen. Eric goes for a walk. George is proving himself adept at the important Camden skill of eavesdropping undetected.

Annie and Ruth talk it out. Ruth wants Annie's honest opinion. So Annie gives it to her. Basically, saying that they are distant, and slightly cruel. She thinks they're too tough on people. Ruth note that the Colonel would say only the weak see them as tough, which allows Annie to suggest that Patten was weaker than the Camden grandparents. Ruth responds, "Too late, don't try to kiss up now," and the women start laughing through their tears. Aww?

Ruth thanks her for being honest, so Annie asks her to make some attempt to connect with Lucy. Ruth promises to see what she can do.

Simon and Ruthie discuss the Viper and Simon's luck. He thinks George is a jinx.

In the master bedroom. George begs a packing Colonel and Ruth to take him with them. Good plan, kid. Get away from Eric and Annie while you can. The Colonel gives him a pep talk about how great a man Eric is. George really wants to go with them. Of course, Eric and Annie are listening at the door.

Parking lot of the closed hardware store. Matt confronts the cashier about the rings as she's locking up. He overshares about how scared he was when they got robbed, not realizing that confronting a women alone in a dark parking lot can be pretty frightening, too. She gives him the rings, probably realizing that if she keeps the rings, she will never be free of the Camdens.

Ruth comes into try to connect with Lucy. She gives her an old love letter from the Colonel, saying that Lucy's stories about Jimmy Moon suggest she is a person of 'great passion'. She asks that Lucy return the letter in the morning, and keep it a secret from the Colonel. Lucy is touched. Mary and Lucy read the letter together.

Morning. Matt returns Annie's rings, saying she can let the car-jacking go. Annie is touched, instead of upset that her family harrassed the cashier so much that she gave up a present from her son that may or may not have actually belonged to Annie.

The Colonel and Ruth are taking a taxi to the airport. Lucy returns the letter. George is in tears over having to stay with Eric and Annie. I feel for you, kid. Eric and Annie give the Colonel the adoption papers. They decided that George should be able to pick his family because the producers didn't want to pay for another regular cast member just yet.

Eric and his father agree to try to be more friendly with each other. It probably won't last.

They get ready to take George with them on the flight they're about to board. I hope there's an open seat.

There's a knock on the door. Turns out Simon did win the Viper. The family starts to go outside to check it out, giving Eric a chance to bust Mary and Matt for the impromptu driving lesson. Simon can't keep it because he isn't old enough to enter, but the Colonel intimidates the guy at the door into letting Eric drive it around the block.
The episode ends with Eric and Simon peeling out in a Viper, while Simon notes that George is now Eric's brother. Aww.

Thoughts:

Apparently, the Camdens have been trying to adopt random children since season one, but none of them managed to move in until season five.

I can't believe the family harrasses the cashier so much, including Matt's surprise visit in an empty parking lot. If the family really thought those were Annie's rings, shouldn't they have contacted the police?

I love the Colonel, if only because he is consistently telling Eric how messed up his family is and that it's basically all Eric's fault.

Lucy, I only want to tell you this one time, shut up about Jimmy Moon and develop some independent interests.

Simon, please never refer to yourself as Lucky Man ever again. Thank you.

Also, that has to be one of the quickest, easiest adoptions ever. Especially considering that it's crossing state lines.