See You In September

We open with Eric and Annie excited that all of the kids will be in school all day. Eric has promised to take the day off and spend the whole day with Annie. He promises that there will be no emergency interruptions, thus ensuring that he will be called away for some reason. Annie is positively giddy at the thought of an empty house.

Lucy stomps in, freaking out about her first day of high school. Eric tries to distract her, but she snaps that he's not helpful. He then makes the mistake of asking her to tell him why she's so scared of high school. She starts with being afraid that she won't be able to open her locker. As though lockers are more difficult to manage in high school. Eric tries to make her feel better by reminding her she has his lucky lock. This fails to comfort Lucy. Then she freaks out about running into Jimmy Moon and Ashley. Ugh. Seriously, Lucy, it's time to move on.

Mary is asking Ruthie if she's nervous about her first day of school. Except it's not her first day of school as indicated (here). Ruthie is afraid of snakes in the toilet. Something Simon told her about. This really shouldn't be a problem because she's been in school for months at this point. Mary tells her it's not true, and convinces her not to let anyone scare her about school.
Matt comes in and asks Mary if she's feeling weird about not being on the basketball team. She says she's fine, but she's pretty defensive about it. Matt offers to show some new kid around for Mary, but even Mary knows that she has no choice if RevCamden asks you to do a favor. She limps out of the room.

Simon comes into the kitchen. He finds some leftover chicken in the fridge and decides to add it to his lunch. I'm sad to say that this will be important later. He's optimistic about starting middle school. Lucy tries to scare him about it, but he's not phased by her pessimism. He and his friend Nigel are planning to stick together. He compares it to the buddy system, but seems to think that it's meant to drag someone down with you instead of keeping everyone safe. Eric tries to correct this, but Lucy agrees with Simon. Going so far as to declare, "Life is Hell." She quickly amends it to heck when Eric shoots her a death glare.

Matt, Mary, and Ruthie come into the kitchen. Eric thinks Matt is borrowing his jacket, but it's apparently a jacket of Matt's that Eric likes to borrow. Matt offers to go change, but Eric allows him to wear his own jacket to school. I'm sorry to say that this will be important later.

Everyone leaves for school. The parents are visibly excited to have their kids out of the house all day. As Annie asks Ruthie if she wants Mommy to take her to school, she turns the baseball hat Ruthie is wearing around so that it's backwards. I'm sorry to say that this will be important later.

The Camdens toast their child-free day with orange juice. Credits.

Eric is reading the paper, when Annie comes in to announce that she's taking a long bath. She promises to be back. Their both overjoyed to have no kids in the house. Annie hopes the kids are okay, and Eric is sure their fine.

Ruthie's class. Her teacher calls her Ruth, which she doesn't appreciate. The teacher also removes her hat, because backwards caps are considered gang paraphenelia. Ruthie argues that it's not a gang hat, but the teacher is firm. Ruthie gets up to tell Lynn that the teacher thinks she's in a gang and the girls giggle at the thought. The teacher is not amused.

Simon's school. Simon and Nigel are trying to find their classes. A big kid orders them to move. SImon calls him a jerk, which the kid calls him on. Simon tries to wiggle out of it, but the kid doesn't seem to be buying it. Simon and Nigel agree to save each other seats at lunch. They seem worried about the rest of the day.

High school. Lucy can't open her locker. Eric's lucky lock is apparently broken. Jimmy Moon and his girlfriend ask if she's having trouble. Jimmy Moon's girlfriend has the locker next to Lucy's. Lucy tries to pretend she's cool with that, but clearly she's rattled. Jimmy notes that she looks ill.

Mary is showing a new boy around. The new kid won't stop talking about basketball and her injured knee. Mary is visibly annoyed. They bump into Lucy and Mary makes the mistake of asking how she's doing. Lucy tells Mary that God hates her and storms off. The new boy tries to hit on her, but Matt interrupts to ask what's wrong with Lucy. Mary quotes Lucy to him and Matt notes that God has hated Lucy for 13 years. Heh. Mary tells the new boy about Wilson, but the guy thinks he's got a shot because Wilson goes to another school. Mary thinks she can ditch him when she gets to her class, but the boy has that class too.

Matt arrives late to his English class. He's surprised to see that Ms. Peabody is not teaching the class. He asks the teacher a bunch of questions that the teacher doesn't appreciate. He orders Matt to take a seat. Then he does that thing where he has everyone look at the people sitting next to them, and promises that he's going to fail most of the class, thus preventing their graduation. Do people really do that? Matt looks terrified.

Back at the Camdens, Annie is watching a movie that Eric slept through. She's folding laundry. They start to head upstairs, when the phone rings. Annie answers the phone and quickly hands it to Eric, telling him that whatever the problem is she's going with him. It's Sargent Michaels, calling with a problem on the powers of RevCamden can solve. He wants the Reverend to help him talk a jumper down.

High school. Lucy still can't open her locker. One of Matt's friends comes up to share some gossip. A kid in her class is threatening to jump off the roof of his apartment building. He's trying to do her a favor by including her. Jimmy and his girlfriend drop by. Lucy tries to share the gossip, but they already know about it. She heads to her class, but Matt stops her to tell her about the jumper. She snaps at him that she already knows.

They see that Mary is still showing the new kid around. He still needling her about basketball in an effort to ask her out. Matt notes that she looks like she's not having fun. Lucy snaps at him a bit more. He asks her why she's carrying so many books, giving her the opportunity to rant about her locker.
Matt offers to try, but since Jimmy and Ashley are kissing right there, Lucy turns him down. The bell rings and Matt's English teacher wanders by to give him crap about being tardy.

On the roof. Mark from Home Improvement is sitting, looking pensive. Below, his mother is trying to make sense of the situation. She's really defensive about her parenting. She reveals that they argued about his clothes and other things that morning. Annie tries to be sympathetic, but you can tell she's judging. Mark stands up, sees the commotion below, and mutters "Oh, no," before the scene ends.

Middle School. Nigel tells Simon some gossip about the jumper situation. I am shocked at how quickly news spreads in Glen Oak. Nigel wants to check it out at lunch, but Simon points out they have no ride. The bell rings, and Simon finds himself alone in the hallway. He runs off to class.

Ruthie's class. It's storytime. Ruthie takes this to mean that she can put her hat back on. She gets in trouble again. The teacher threatens her with a time out. The teacher invites the kids to ask questions before they begin, so of course, Ruthie asks if any of her classmates are gangmembers. The teacher insists that the rules are the same for everyone. Another kid starts talking about the jumper. The teacher turns it into a brief lesson on calling the cops in an emergency. The kids thinks the cops were going to call in a super hero. The teacher seems annoyed by the turn in conversation, but since she asked if they had questions, she has only herself to blame.

Rooftop. Mark's mother announces she's going up. Eric tries to talk her out of it. His mother thinks he's not suicidal, but that he's just trying to make a point. She starts yelling at him to come down immediately. Mark shouts down at Eric not to let his mom come up.

Annie suggests that Mark's mother take a walk with her. This gives Eric a chance to talk to Mark without interference. Mark just wants to be left alone. Eric and Sargent Michael's plot to get closer to Mark. Eric tells Mark that he's coming up. Mark tells him not to, and Eric agrees to wait until Mark is ready.

Ruthie's class. The teacher is just finishing the story. She announces that it's time for recess, and every kid in the class gets up and puts on a backwards baseball cap. Only Ruthie gets a time out though. Ruthie's friend asks for a time out too. The teacher gives her permission.

Middle school. Simon and Nigel are eating lunch. The big kid from earlier hassles them about sitting at his table. Simon offers to share his lunch, thus placating the bully. Simon starts to use a butterknife to cut his chicken in half, and is immediately busted. A lunch aide sends him to the principal's office. The bully explains to Nigel that Simon had a weapon, and then proceeds to eat Simon's lunch.

High school. The new boy is still following Mary around. She's finally had enough, and heads for the ladies' room. She finds Lucy with her giant stack of books. Lucy vents about her locker, and complains about how carrying all her books is starting to hurt her arms. Mary offers to let Lucy put her books in Mary's locker and tells her that she has some aspirin.

The new boy is waiting for them, and asks if they're done putting on their faces. The guy continues to be skeevy, and Mary finally ends the tour. She then gives Lucy a couple aspirin, which Lucy takes at a nearby water fountain. This catches the eye of the principal and both girls are sent to the office. Upon noticing that Jimmy and his girlfriend witnessed this, Lucy threatens to puke. Mary just rolls her eyes.

Matt and his friend are complaining about their new English teacher. The teacher's name is Koper. As they're whining, Koper wonders up behind them. Clearly overhearing their conversation. Before Matt can make excuses, a beeper goes off. This gives Koper the chance to bust him for carrying drug paraphenelia. Koper clearly takes a lot of pleasure in sending Matt to the principal's office.

Annie and Mark's mother are still on their walk. The mother is giving her whole backstory about how hard it is to raise a kid on her own, and how useless Mark's father was. Annie tries to be sympathetic. She fails. Mark's mother decides that she's had enough and is going up to talk to her son. Annie tries to talk her out of it, but Mark's mother is having none of her advice. She resents it when people in authority try to tell her what to do with her own child.

Annie rushes up to tell her husband that she lost Mark's mom. They see her on the roof and all start running. Mark is upset that his mom didn't listen to him. She tells him that she's the mom, and she's not about to start taking orders from her teen-aged son. She tells him that it's time to get to school, and that they will talk about this when she gets off work. Mark doesn't see the point since his mom doesn't listen to him. Then he starts complaining about his pants and how they're the wrong brand. And that he can't wear them to school. His mother fails to understand what is wrong with the pants. They are then joined by Eric, Annie and Sargent Michaels.

Mark confesses that he wasn't going to jump. He just wanted to be heard. And he doesn't want to go to school because nobody understands how hard it is to go to school. He begs his mom not to make him go and sits down. Eric goes to sit next to him and offer a condescending shoulder pat that Elizabeth Wakefield can only aspire to.

Ruthie's school. Ruthie and Lynn are trying to flush her hat down the toilet. The teacher catches them. They explain that they thought flushing would get the hat out of the toilet. The teacher agrees to help if Ruthie promises not to wear it to school anymore. Ruthie agrees and convinces the teacher to let her go by "Ruthie" instead of "Ruth." Lynn notes that Ruthie's never wearing a hat that's been in the toilet. Ruthie agrees and plans to give it Simon.

Rooftop. Eric and Mark are talking about the situation. Mark tells him that he just came up to the roof to ditch because he hates his clothes so much. Eric doesn't understand what's wrong with the clothes. I'm not sure either, except that the white t-shirt with jeans are a little boring. And the pants seem too big, but that was the style in 1997. Apparently, Mark is very brand conscious. Eric pretends to understand. At this point Mark's mom decides that she wants to understand. She tries to give him a pep talk about how bright he is, but Mark notes that makes him a geek. He blames her for his geekiness. Mom tries to rope the Reverend into telling Mark that he's not a geek. The Reverend dodges the question, leading Mark's mother to admonish him for letting what the other kids say get to him. None of this is helpful to Mark, but Eric makes a couple snarky comments. Eventually they come to an understanding.

Middle school. Simon tells the bully that he got suspended. He's worried about getting in trouble until he remembers that Annie put the knife in his lunch box. Nigel asks why the school couldn't get ahold of Eric. Simon's not sure, claiming they've beeped him about 50 times.

Cut to the high school where Eric's beeper continues to incriminate Matt. The principal's understanding, but says she has to apply the same rules to everyone.
Mary and Lucy are waiting in the outer office. Koper introduces himself as the new assistent basketball coach. He offers to help her with her rehabilitation. She's really excited. He then gives Matt an assignment to work on during his suspension. He then tells Matt that he has some talent as a writer. The principal gives each of the Camdens a one day suspension. She also gives Lucy a new lock. And tells her a story about how Jimmy's girlfriend flashed the cafeteria in Pocahontas underwear. Because this principal totally plays favorites where the Camdens are concerned.

Eric and Annie start heading home. He exposits that Mark and his mother will be coming in for weekly counciling with him. They note that they're lucky to have such great kids and smugly suggest that their doing a good job raising them. Sargent Michaels interrupts this to let them know that the schools have been trying to reach them for awhile now.

Night at the Camdens. The kids are blaming their parents for their various suspensions. Which, in these cases, is acurate. Ruthie does give Simon her hat and giggles when he puts it on. Ew. I hope it got washed first.
The kids bring up the jumper. They accurately think he was up there because he didn't want to go to school. Eric tells them a crazy story involving burglars. I can't believe that any of the kids buy it. Though Matt sees it for the ploy it is. Eric asks him to spread it around anyway.

The episode ends with the parents counting down the hours until the suspensions are over.

Thoughts:

I guess the writers are against zero-tolerance policies.

It seems funny that beepers were once considered drug paraphenalia in light of all the communication devises that kids have now.

Principal Russell is way too open about her favoritism toward the Camdens.

Mr. Koper is such a character of a tough teacher. Who really tells a class that half of them won't pass?

The plot surrounding the jumper was really uneven. The mom was clearly over-bearing and unsympathetic. And she didn't seem to get the seriousness of the situation. But the kid caused a public commotion because he didn't like his jeans, so it's hard to take him very seriously.

I can't believe the speed of gossip in this town.

Lucy it is well past time for you to be over Jimmy Moon. Please never mention him again.

I will try to post more frequently. There's just a lot to do at work right now.

Faith, Hope, and the Bottom Line

Night at the Cam-Mansion. Simon is babbling to Ruthie about how awesome he is at baseball. I don't believe him. But he certainly is using a lot of metaphors. Ruthie is excited to have a class phone list. Simon points out that the phone numbers are probably wrong. Ruthie proves this by not remembering the Camden phone number. Ruthie is sad to discover this, but has faith that her classmates know their phone numbers. Simon tries to show off with his stellar knowledge of the Camden phone number, but Ruthie undercuts this by noting that no one ever calls him. Heh.

Eric is at a job fair, talking to a potential new organist/office assistant. The guy is a little surprised that Eric is so interested because he spent some time in prison. Eric doesn't seem to care and asks him to meet the vestry the next day. Hmm.

Annie is at the vestry meeting apologizing for Eric's lateness. Lou makes his first appearance, noting how much Eric hates the vestry meetings. They need to elect a temporary treasure, and decide to proceed without him. This would not fly at any church I've ever been to. The rector may not always get the final say, but they usually have an opinion on such matters. Especially since the vestry wants to appoint Annie to the position. Can we say conflict of interest?

Morning. Annie is making lunches for her off-spring. Eric is struggling to figure out how to put the sandwiches in the ziploc baggies. 'Cause he's not domestic. Simon comes in so that Annie can ask him if he wants to play Little League. He gives her a long winded answer that boils down to a yes. That means he needs a tetanus shot. He asks if Matt can take him to the clinic. Annie loves the idea. Eric offers to take him, but Simon points out that Eric's fear of needles causes too much anxiety in the waiting room. Eric orders Matt to take Simon of the doctor.

Upstairs, Lucy is thanking Mary for tutoring Jimmy. She also manages to insult Mary while making excuses for his lackluster science grades. Mary totally calls her on this. Lucy gives Mary some ridiculous advice about how to tell if Jimmy actually gets a concept or is just pretending to. It involves looking deeply into Jimmy's eyes. Mary is super annoyed.

Outside, Simon is trying to convince Matt to forge the shot record on his sign-up form. Matt refuses on reasonable grounds, but Simon thinks he can talk Matt into the plan.
Eric tries to discuss Annie's new church position with her. He doesn't seem that thrilled that the vestry appointed her. This is why you shouldn't skip meetings, Rev. Annie is confident that she can handle everything. Eric's worried that vestry is going to make him get a security system, but Annie points out that they are only looking into costs.

Ruthie comes down and reveals that she's certain her siblings will leave her behind someday. She then discusses her dessert. Annie suggests an elaborate trade with the other siblings, causing me to wonder why she didn't just make the lunches that way in the first place. She also talks about her phone list. It's fairly dull.

After the kids leave for school, Eric mentions the ex-con he wants the vestry to meet. Annie asks him straight out if he minds that she's acting as treasurer, and he lies that he's thrilled. Annie pretends to believe him.

Middle school. Lucy gives Jimmy advice on handling Mary. Jimmy sums it up as "smile, show some teeth, basically look pretty." I'm not sure why that would help him learn science from anyone. Lucy give terrible advice.

Church. The ex-con, Ron, is wowing everyone with his mad organ playing skills. Lou, however, is skeptical about hiring an former convict to act as church secretary. Tension...

Doctors. Simon has a pointless conversation with a girl in the waiting room. It's really just a set up for him to freak Matt out about needles and waiting rooms. Matt won't agree to forge anything on the form, but he does agree to bring Simon later. That it succeeds is a testament to Matt's stupidity. How did someone this squemish become a doctor? Simon refers to himself as "the puppet master" as they leave.

Church. Eric is trying to convince Annie about how awesome Ron is and why they should hire him. She points out that the vestry isn't sure they want to test out Ron's rehabilitation with the church's limited resources. Eric is upset that she's not on board with his intuition, and she refers to herself as the practical one. What she's basing that statement on, I can't even imagine.

Eric really steps in it when he suggests that they elected Annie treasurer in order to influence him. Annie is obviously hurt by the comment, but Eric doesn't apologize. Because he sucks.

Ruthie is on the phone with the fire department. Lucy catches her, and gives her a lecture on not calling emergency numbers when there is no emergency. Ruthie tries to blame Simon, and Lucy tells her to stay off the phone. I hope she appreciated the irony of that statement.

Mary is tutoring Jimmy. Lucy is spying on them. Mary is taking Lucy's advice by staring into Jimmy's eyes. Jimmy is also taking Lucy's advice to smile a lot. Lucy has a wacky hallucination-- Mary undoes her ponytail in what is supposed to pass for attraction and uses some breath spray, while Jimmy runs his hands through his hair, and the two move in for a kiss. Jimmy Moon displays more emotion in the fantasy sequence than he has in any other scene in the series. Lucy is jealous.

Church. Lou and the vestry are touring the facility with a guy from a security company. Eric jumps to the conclusion that the vestry has made a decision. He also accuses Lou of not giving the ex-con any more thought. Lou claims they have thought about it, but have not changed their minds. Eric reveals that he didn't even find out what Ron served time for. I find that highly ridiculous, even for 1996. What if Ron had been violent or something. Lou calls Eric on not rethinking his position. Eric thinks the church should be open to anyone, Lou is worried abou t general liability. Annie looks thoughtful.

Night at the Cam-Mansion. Lucy accuses Mary of trying to steal her boyfriend. Actually what she says is that Mary thought "if [Jimmy] had six more arms, he could be a babeloctopus." Not sure what that means, but Mary certainly finds it ridiculous. She responds with, "I didn't think that. What kind of mind would?" Lucy is not be convinced by logic or the fact that Mary thinks Jimmy is useless. She's insane with jealousy. And in case anyone thought she hit rock bottom with the "babeloctopus," she makes even less sense as the conversation continues. Mary finally leaves.

Ron is trying to get into the church. Lou is lurking. Ron asks for a hymnal, but Lou tells him they don't have the money to fill that position. He also asks Ron what his conviction was. He tries to be clever, but it boils down to embezzlement. Lou maintains an air of non-judgment, but it's clear he doesn't think much of Eric's plan to hire the man.

Eric confronts Matt about not waiting for Simon to get his shot. Eric admits that he a Simon ducked out of the shot last year. Eric suggests he brings headphones to prevent Simon from talking to him while they wait. That the two discuss it like they're going to war is a little unnerving.

Lucy is on the phone with Jimmy Moon, accusing him of having designs on her sister. Jimmy is repulsed by the idea, and points out that Lucy told him to smile, and set up the tutoring. Ruthie starts eavesdropping on the conversation, but she's not savvy enough to pick up the phone without being noticed. Jimmy hangs up on them.

Lucy goes to find out why Ruthie wants the phone. She wants to Poison Control because her imaginary friend drank Happy's water. Lucy talks her out of this idea, explaining that emergency numbers are for real people and real emergencies. Ruthie is not pleased with this.

Matt tells Simon that they're going back to the doctor tomorrow. He also describes the shot in such detail that Simon is now terrified about getting the shot. Way to go, Matt.
Church. Eric and Lou have it out about Ron and the security system. Lou thinks Eric's job is to represent the parishoners and their values. Eric sums up his job as representing the church, and it's values. I'm not sure how often he succeeds with that. Also not sure why he considers the church and parishoners separate entities. Lou suggests that if Eric persists in this, he might be looking for another parish.

Morning. Eric is ranting to Annie. She's explaining what Lou is thinking, but Eric doesn't want to hear any other view point. She points out that not everyone has as much faith as he does, and Eric finally hears her. He apologizes for being so one sided. They make up. He asks to see her report early, but she's not budging.

Matt and Mary are trying to get Simon out of his room. He's barricaded himself in to avoid the shot. Mary offers to find a screw driver to take the doorknob off. Not sure if that will work. Ruthie, upon learning about the situation, decides to use her phone tree and call the police.

Srgt Michaels knocks on the door, and demands Simon open up. The cops find out that Simon is all right. The audience and Ruthie are treated to a lecture about calling the cops when it's not an emergency. Too bad the Rev. wasn't here to benefit. Lucy takes the phone list away. About time.

Simon gets his shot, but turns out Matt needs one, too. Matt is not pleased until Simon gives him a lollipop. Seriously, how did this guy become a doctor?

Night. Mary confronts Lucy about Jimmy cancelling the tutoring. Lucy feels about her freak outs. Mary tells her that she wouldn't ever do anything to hurt her, until later seasons anyway. Lucy apologizes, and they make up. Annie comes into to announce that Jimmy is at the Camden's to talk to Lucy.

Jimmy gives Lucy a long speech that boils down to that he needs the passing science grade and that Lucy should trust him. Except he uses the phrase that he's 'not a free love kind of guy.' Jimmy, shut up. Lucy goes to get Mary.

Annie is trying to fix the door to Simon's room. Ruthie is watching. Which gives Annie the opportunity to talk to Ruthie about the phone. That they are talking about the phone list like it's a drug is unsettling, to say the least. Ruthie wants to know who told Annie. Turns out it was everybody and their brother.

Matt asks Eric if they're going to hire Ron. Eric is surprised that Matt knows about the situation. Matt notes that there are no secrets in their house. Very true. Turns out Eric hired him, and is trusting that he will show up. He also trusts that Matt took Simon to get his shot. Matt hands him the lollipop as proof.

Church. Annie is giving a speech about what to do with the budget. It's way longer than it needs to be. She doesn't actually tell us what her recommendations are though.
The service starts, sans organ. Lou is quick to note that Ron is late. When Ron shows, he explains the tardiness by blaming the bus.

The hymn closes out, as Annie hugs herself self-importantly.

Thoughts:

Lou is pretty awesome when he's sparing with Eric. He's another character that is less inclined to bend to Eric's will.

Lucy, no one else cares about Jimmy Moon. Especially your sister. Save your jealousy for when she is actually trying to steal your boyfriends (or ex-boyfriends).

The timeline on Simon's tetanus shot is weird. If Eric took him the year before, I don't know why he'd need another one. The last time I got a tetanus shot it was good for ten years. Maybe Simon convinced his dad to sign the form without getting the shot?

I can't imagine that a vestry would be able to appoint the minister's wife to treasurer in a meeting that the minister didn't attend. I'm not sure why a vestry would even want to.

I also can't imagine Eric wouldn't have found out what Ron had been convicted of before hiring him. I know churches preach forgiveness, and certainly congregants are from many walks of life. However, to hire someone with a more checkered past, a rector would generally be inclined to do a little more research. Or at least understand the vestry's reservations.

Also, Srgt. Michael's arrived at the Camden's minutes after Ruthie called. I'm telling y'all, he is way too involved with this family.

Happy's Valentine

Breakfast with the Camdens. Annie wants to go camping with the Hamiltons. Just the adults. Eric has some doubts. Matt can't baby-sit because he's got a date. Mary and Lucy don't want to baby-sit. Simon is worried about giving the puppies away. Annie is determined to go camping, so she comes up with a plan to make it happen. Eric knows he has no say in the matter. The kids will be on their own for the night. Expect hijinx.

HIgh school. Matt and John make plans to hang out with their dates in an adult free house. Matt notes that the sisters won't go for it. John tries to ask Keisha, but it doesn't fly. He orders Matt to ask Mary.

Home. Ruthie is upset about giving the puppies away. Annie explains that their big enough to be on their own. She compares it to Ruthie still living with her parents at 30. This is early enough in the series that Annie can pretend she wants her children to be independent.

Matt is trying to get Mary to change her plans so he can have his date at home. Here's a thought, Matt, no one is at the Hamiltons. Why don't you and John take your dates to the actually empty house? They agree to split the house into the living room and the den. Lucy joins them to whine about breaking her date with Jimmy Moon. Matt suggests she can go if she takes the younger siblings. Lucy demands ten bucks from each of them because she knows they're up to something.

Eric comes home to find Annie packing for their trip. He's whining about his day and he doesn't want to go camping. Simon comes in the puppies fully packed. Annie tells him to keep an eye on Happy, since she might go looking for the puppies. This is known as foreshadowing.

Lucy is suggesting the movie plan to Jimmy Moon. He's not sure about taking the kids because the Reverend wouldn't approve, and because he's taking her to a French film. The same film they watched in episode three. Lucy convinces Jimmy to go to the movies and send the kids to a cartoon movie in the next theater. So much scheming.

Ruthie sees her parents off on their trip. She doesn't want to kiss them good-bye, but complies anyway. She announces to Eric that she's moving out one day. Eric tries to weasel out of camping. The Hamiltons arrive. Annie and Eric give some last minute instructions and head off for the weekend. Are you ready for some hijinx?

Lucy tries to convince the kids to go to a movie. None of them are interested. She tells them that they're going.

Dwight comes by to pick up the puppies. His mother is way too gushy about their cuteness. Dwight wants to name them Simon and Ruthie. Heh.

Matt convinces Simon to go to the movies by promising to keep an eye on her. Simon buys it because he doesn't know about foreshadowing. This will end well.

At the movies. Lucy gives the kids their tickets and when they figure out that they're seeing it alone they demand a bribe. Everyone heads to the theaters.

Matt and John arrive at the Camden mansion with their dates. They come in through the kitchen and Matt offers everyone something to drink (no, not adult beverages). John and his date start kissing, and it looks like Matt and his date are about to kiss. They are interupted by a noise from the living room. They all go to tell the girls to keep it down...

And find a rather large party, complete with boys. Matt and John are not happy. Should've gone to the Hamilton's actually empty house boys. Mary and Keisha are pretty relaxed about the whole thing. Matt, John and their dates decide to enjoy the party while they can.

Camping. Morgan and Eric are huddled around a fire. Eric hates camping, so he's whining a lot. Morgan offers him the sermon he's going to use, but since he's drawing parallels between Moses and Martin Luther King, Eric isn't sure he can pull it off.

In a tent, Annie and Patricia are comparing lingerie. If this were another kind of show, I'd wonder if they weren't about to engage in some spouse swapping.

Morgan's beeper goes off and Eric lends him a cell phone. The wives aren't happy that they brought methods of communication with them. Although, considering they left a total of 9 children on their own, it seems like they might want to be in some kind of radio contact. I can't believe they're even getting service in the woods.

The phone call is for Patricia. It's her first husband, who calls her every Valentine's Day. Morgan is angry about these phone calls. Patricia points out that he had the beeper.

The cartoon. The kids seem to be enjoying the antics of Elmer Fudd.

Lucy and Jimmy exchange cards in the theater of the French movie actually titled "Parlez-Vous?" Jimmy got Lucy a joke card, and she gets angry.

At the party. Keisha and Mary flirt with boys. Matt is too interested in Mary's flirting. John notices that a couple guys are drinking beer. Matt tells them to get rid of it. They put the bottles in a nearby lamp. John busts in on Keisha's flirting. His date is bored by this and starts to dance with someone else.

Camping. Everyone is eating around the campfire making small talk about the stew. And trying to ignore the tension between Morgan and Patricia. Patricia and Annie both head to bed, leaving the men to clean up the dishes. If this were a different kind of show...

Eric and Morgan decide to check up on the kids. They call Sargent Michaels and ask him to drive by the house like he's on a routine patrol. Because Sargent Michael's is Eric's bitch.

Cartoon. Simon and Nigel are throwing popcorn at other movie-goers. Brats. Lynn and Ruthie have fallen asleep. An usher busts them and kicks them out of the theater.

Jimmy and Lucy make up. She tries to make him kiss her, but the moment is interupted by the usher with Simon and Nigel.

Party. Srgt. Michaels enters and walks straight up to his son, inquiring about whether alcohol is being served. It's just the son and his friend. He makes the kid call his mother. This doesn't fit with later expositions about Srgt. Michael's family.

Matt drags Mary into the room, lecturing her about talking to a guy in the kitchen. Matt, butt out. They notice Srgt. Michaels and start babbling about how no one was drinking, except for the two he already busted. The policeman tells them that Happy was hit by a car. He's already taken her to an animal hospital and offers to give Matt a ride over. That is some fine service provided by the Glen Oak PD.

Camping. Morgan and Patricia talk. She gives him some of the details about her first marriage. Morgan is shocked to find out that her first husband was white. This convinces him to stop asking questions.

Annie and Eric gossip about their friends after some "alone time." They decide to call the kids to see how they're doing, but the phone rings first. It's Srgt. Michaels calling in with his report. I really want to know what dirt Eric has on him, as this is only the beginning of favors and special treatment for the Camdens.

Matt paces at the Animal hospital. Srgt. Michaels is waiting with him. June Lockhart comes out to give them an update. She sends Matt home to tell Simon. She's planning to stay the night to keep an eye on Happy.

Annie is ranting about what a stupid idea camping was as the adults pack up to head home early. Eric tries to make her feel better, but Annie doesn't really want to be comforted. Patricia and Morgan are ranting on their own. He's still harping about her first husband. Dude, it's been 20 years-- get over it.

Mary and Keisha try to clean the party mess. Ruthie and Lynn tell them about Simon and Nigel. They get sent up to get ready for bed.

Lucy and Jimmy say good-night. He doesn't kiss her, but promises to someday. She buys it.

Matt tells Simon about Happy's accident and Simon chews his ass out for not keeping an eye on her. Crowning moment: Simon tells Matt that he hates him. He demands to go to the vet to be with Happy.

At the animal hospital. Simon is talking to his injured dog. We still don't know if Happy is going to be okay, but Matt tells his sister that the dog is doing a lot better. June Lockhart busts him for lying.

Mary doesn't think Matt was telling the truth. The parents all come in. The Hamiltons get ready to leave. They decide to interagate the kids separately.

Thus follows a scene which cuts between each of the kids trying to downplay and/or excuse their participation in the various unapproved activities. Basically they're all lying enough so that the parents have no sense of what might have happened. They give up. It's actually an amusing scene.

Morgan and Patricia finally make up, so we don't have to hear about her first husband until season two. The Hamiltons leave.

Matt calls to give an update on Happy. The Camdens all decide to head down to the animal hospital and wait with Simon and Happy. If I were June Lockhart, I'd be pissed about having to spend my night with the Camdens.

Matt takes responsibility for the various events. Eric tries to make him feel better, and promises to punish everyone later.

June Lockhart is watching Happy and Simon sleep on the exam table. There's nothing new, and June doesn't seem to encouraging about Happy's recovery.

In the waiting room, all the girls are asleep.

Morning. Everyone is sleeping in the waiting room of the animal hospital. June Lockhart has fallen asleep on her desk. That's gonna be sore later. Happy wakes up, making a miraculous recovery. Everyone is glad that Happy is going to be fine.

Simon and Matt make up. Simon makes everyone apologize to Happy. They all play along. And all is right with Camdens once again.

Thoughts:

I can't believe the Camdens and the Hamiltons decided to go camping and leave all their kids unsupervised with less than 24-hours planning. Seems more than a little irresponsible.

I also can't believe that Jimmy and Lucy have been dating for several months and he hasn't kissed her. Is this normal for thirteen year olds?

Sargent Michaels is way too involved with the Camdens.

Saturday

Morning at the Camdens. Everyone is dressed in school colors. Lucy doesn't want her parents kissing in front of her friends. Eric takes the opportunity to tell Lucy not to be kissing boys. Geez, one track mind that man. Simon and Ruthie are trying to bring their own snacks to the game.

Matt reveals he's got a job, and will meet them at the game. He's tutoring a girl in English. His siblings show way too much interest in his personal life.

Mary comes in, and rolls her eyes at her family's encouragement. She asks them not to come to her game, and they are shocked. Mary you were so awesome two episodes ago, don't blow it now!

Lucy takes the disinvitation personally, and Mary explains that her family makes her nervous and distracted. Lucy's really worried about looking stupid in front of the friend she invited. They compare stories about feeling out of place.

Simon and Ruthie are whining about not going. Well, actually Simon is complaining and Ruthie is agreeing with him. They decide to play detective.

Eric is giving Matt crap about shaving. Eric is way too excited to be going to the store with Annie. Mary needs the restroom, and Eric and Matt start bombarding her with advice.

Lucy asks Annie to make Mary let her go to the game. Annie tells her she's baby-sitting instead. Lucy does not want to make her friend baby-sit her younger siblings. Lucy can't believe Annie is letting Eric grocery shop with her. She's really whiny in this scene. Annie responds to her torment with sarcasm.

Matt arrives at his tutoring job. The dad is way too excited to see him, and over shares about how many times the girl changed her outfit. Clearly, this girl is desparate.

Simon and Ruthie are playing detective. Ruthie isn't playing by Simon's rules.

Lucy's friend, Ahsley, shows up. She's played by Jackie from that 70s show. Ashley gives her crap about her outfit, and Lucy reveals that they're not going to the game. Ashley is a brat. She decides to hang out when Lucy promises they can call boys.

Eric and Annie leave for the store. As they leave, Simon and Ruthie are sitting outside, and Lucy is no where in sight. Way to make sure your kids are being looked after Camdens!

Simon and Ruthie decide to pretend the mailman is their criminal, and follow him as he delivers the mail. They take Happy and leave. Lucy doesn't notice.

Eric and Annie shop. Annie pretends she's not upset about Mary. She's not putting any of her produce in bags. That seems strange.

Simon and Ruthie are still following the mailman.

Annie is now venting about Mary. She admits to having been a constant support to Mary since she was seven years old. What happened during the first six years of Mary's life? No wonder she had a downward spiral in seasons 4-6! Eric diminishes his wife's feelings by making jokes.

They spot a boy who is clearly a troubled teen. Eric apparently got him into drug rehab a month ago. They watch him steal a watch. Eric follows him out of the store and interferes with the security guard who is busting him. The guard complies. Just what kind of connections does the reverend have in this town? Cops know when his kids are grounded. Security guards let shop lifters off. Weird. He makes the poor kid play pool with him. Shoulda taken your chances with the security guard, kid.

School. Mary and her team arrive. Mary reveals that she uninvited her family and her teammates give her a hardtime about it. She calls home to reinvite her family, but the line is busy.

Because Lucy and her friend are on the phone. Lucy is talking to Jimmy Moon, trying to find out if his friend likes Ashley. Jimmy, not knowing Ashley is on the phone, says his friend thinks she talks to much and is boring. Ashley storms out. Jimmy is confused.

Lucy finally realizes that Simon and Ruthie aren't home. Somewhere in Connecticut Kristy Thomas' head just exploded upon hearing of such terrible baby-sitting. Lucy leaves the house to look for them.

Billiard Club. Eric is on the phone with Annie. She's surprised that no one's home. They think the kids snuck to the game, so Annie goes to check. Eric and the kid play pool. Kid doesn't want to talk about rehab. Some other loser kid comes over to tell him about some drug deal. Eric busts the kid for skipping out of rehab. Apparently, he made some arrangement to keep the kid out of juvie if he completes a rehab program. Isn't that a better job for the kid's lawyer? The kid doesn't want Eric's help.

Simon and Ruthie are still following the mailman. They realize that they don't know where they are. Simon tries to figure out which way to go. Ruthie doubts his assurance that everything is fine.

Eric goes to talk to the kid's parents. They PSA about drug abuse for awhile. Eric starts to get paranoid about his own kids.

Matt is tutoring. She wants him to read Romeo's lines to help her better understand Shakespeare. Then she leaps on him, kissing him liek the desparate girl she is just in time for her father to walk in with snacks. She runs away, and her father wants to have a word. He gives Matt permission to date his daughter, saying she's as attractive as her mother. Matt quits, and the father's demeanor shifts to threatening as he fires Matt. These people are creepy.

Lucy is running around the neighborhood trying to find her younger siblings.

Mary's game. The pointguard, Cory, seems to have a problem with her.

Simon and Ruthie flag down a cop to help them get home. It's the first appearance of Sargent Michaels! He agrees to take the kids home.

Annie arrives at the game. Cory won't pass to Mary.

No one is home at the Camden's so Sargent Michaels takes them to game to see if the family is there.

Eric confronts the rehab-ditching kid in a bag alley. The kid says it's just pot. Apparently it is only pot, because Eric doesn't list any other drugs when he starts listing all the ways its ruined this kids life. All this trouble for pot? In 1996? The kid doesn't want anyone's help. Eric predicts that he won't survive long on the streets.

The game. Cory still won't pass Mary the ball. Matt shows up to watch the game. Annie gives Matt crap for losing his job.

Eric arrives at the school at the same time as Simon and Ruthie. They tell him about wandering off. They all decide to watch the end of the game. Now, I know Mary changed her mind, but her family doesn't know that. They're just blatantly disrespecting her request.
Cory finally passes Mary the ball and her team wins the game. Yea!

Lucy's home alone, worried about what happens when her parents find out she lost Simon and Ruthie. She doesn't seem to concerned about Simon and Ruthie. If kids I were baby-sitting were missing for that long, I'd have called the police.

The whole family arrives home, and Lucy is upset that she's the only Camden to have missed the game. She feels left out. And it's lectures for everyone. No punishments are distributed. Annie is annoyed. Apparently, their system is for Eric to punish the kids and Annie to be a haven of support. Seems like they'd do better as a united front. Annie sends him up to punish them.

Matt comes in and explains why he lost his job. Annie laughs at him, and orders Eric to punish him. Eric and Matt talk about drugs. Matt's not interested in drugs because apparently Eric shares the stories of drug addicts he's counseling with his kids. Um, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to keep that information confidential Reverend.

Eric asks Matt if he thinks any of the other kids might be interested in drugs. Matt rules out Mary because she's into sports. Not sure that holds true, Matt. A lot of kids on teams feel pressure to fit in with the team. Matt thinks Lucy is the only Camden at risk for drugs because she always feels left out. Eric decides to talk to her.

Mary and Lucy talk about the game. Lucy is feeling left out, especially after Eric reveals that everyone ate at Mary's game. He invites her out to dinner, and she offers to baby-sit every weekend for the next three weeks. Eric takes her up on it. If Lucy were my kid, I'd wait along time before letting her baby-sit again.

Matt helps Annie unpack the groceries she left on the counter before she headed to the basketball game. I hope it's nothing that required refrigeration. She reveals that Eric had a lot of trouble keeping a job when he was younger.

Eric comes up to punish Simon and Ruthie. Simon tries to get out of church as his punishment. Eric throws in an anti-drug PSA. His four year old daughter has a little trouble with the concept. They remain unpunished.

Annie gives the family dog an anti-drug PSA to make sure that the dog doesn't feel as left out as Lucy. I think she's lost her mind. Happy is smart enough not to eat Annie's cooking.

Eric is having trouble figuring out a punishment for Simon and Ruthie. Annie tries to get him fired up by telling him they lost his binoculars. Matt suggests Eric tell them the story about how he used them to watch sorority girls while he was in seminary. Yes, apparently the good reverend was a peeping tom while studying to do the Lord's work. Annie decides they don't need the binoculars back.

Eric and Lucy have dinner. She's talking his ear off and he looks bored, but he is listening. Lucy is surprised that he's actually listening. That's sad. None of Lucy's friends do drugs.

Mary made her mom popcorn to apologize about the univitation. The family is allowed at all future games.

Eric and Lucy return. Mary gets the same anti-drug PSA the rest of the Camden kids got.

Eric can't believe how boring his daughter is. That's just mean. Annie wants to "go to bed early," but the doorbell rings. It's the pothead from earlier. He's pretty banged up, and asks Eric to help him, validating the Reverend's nosy behavior for years to come.


Moral of the story: Drugs are bad, m'kay!