See You In September

We open with Eric and Annie excited that all of the kids will be in school all day. Eric has promised to take the day off and spend the whole day with Annie. He promises that there will be no emergency interruptions, thus ensuring that he will be called away for some reason. Annie is positively giddy at the thought of an empty house.

Lucy stomps in, freaking out about her first day of high school. Eric tries to distract her, but she snaps that he's not helpful. He then makes the mistake of asking her to tell him why she's so scared of high school. She starts with being afraid that she won't be able to open her locker. As though lockers are more difficult to manage in high school. Eric tries to make her feel better by reminding her she has his lucky lock. This fails to comfort Lucy. Then she freaks out about running into Jimmy Moon and Ashley. Ugh. Seriously, Lucy, it's time to move on.

Mary is asking Ruthie if she's nervous about her first day of school. Except it's not her first day of school as indicated (here). Ruthie is afraid of snakes in the toilet. Something Simon told her about. This really shouldn't be a problem because she's been in school for months at this point. Mary tells her it's not true, and convinces her not to let anyone scare her about school.
Matt comes in and asks Mary if she's feeling weird about not being on the basketball team. She says she's fine, but she's pretty defensive about it. Matt offers to show some new kid around for Mary, but even Mary knows that she has no choice if RevCamden asks you to do a favor. She limps out of the room.

Simon comes into the kitchen. He finds some leftover chicken in the fridge and decides to add it to his lunch. I'm sad to say that this will be important later. He's optimistic about starting middle school. Lucy tries to scare him about it, but he's not phased by her pessimism. He and his friend Nigel are planning to stick together. He compares it to the buddy system, but seems to think that it's meant to drag someone down with you instead of keeping everyone safe. Eric tries to correct this, but Lucy agrees with Simon. Going so far as to declare, "Life is Hell." She quickly amends it to heck when Eric shoots her a death glare.

Matt, Mary, and Ruthie come into the kitchen. Eric thinks Matt is borrowing his jacket, but it's apparently a jacket of Matt's that Eric likes to borrow. Matt offers to go change, but Eric allows him to wear his own jacket to school. I'm sorry to say that this will be important later.

Everyone leaves for school. The parents are visibly excited to have their kids out of the house all day. As Annie asks Ruthie if she wants Mommy to take her to school, she turns the baseball hat Ruthie is wearing around so that it's backwards. I'm sorry to say that this will be important later.

The Camdens toast their child-free day with orange juice. Credits.

Eric is reading the paper, when Annie comes in to announce that she's taking a long bath. She promises to be back. Their both overjoyed to have no kids in the house. Annie hopes the kids are okay, and Eric is sure their fine.

Ruthie's class. Her teacher calls her Ruth, which she doesn't appreciate. The teacher also removes her hat, because backwards caps are considered gang paraphenelia. Ruthie argues that it's not a gang hat, but the teacher is firm. Ruthie gets up to tell Lynn that the teacher thinks she's in a gang and the girls giggle at the thought. The teacher is not amused.

Simon's school. Simon and Nigel are trying to find their classes. A big kid orders them to move. SImon calls him a jerk, which the kid calls him on. Simon tries to wiggle out of it, but the kid doesn't seem to be buying it. Simon and Nigel agree to save each other seats at lunch. They seem worried about the rest of the day.

High school. Lucy can't open her locker. Eric's lucky lock is apparently broken. Jimmy Moon and his girlfriend ask if she's having trouble. Jimmy Moon's girlfriend has the locker next to Lucy's. Lucy tries to pretend she's cool with that, but clearly she's rattled. Jimmy notes that she looks ill.

Mary is showing a new boy around. The new kid won't stop talking about basketball and her injured knee. Mary is visibly annoyed. They bump into Lucy and Mary makes the mistake of asking how she's doing. Lucy tells Mary that God hates her and storms off. The new boy tries to hit on her, but Matt interrupts to ask what's wrong with Lucy. Mary quotes Lucy to him and Matt notes that God has hated Lucy for 13 years. Heh. Mary tells the new boy about Wilson, but the guy thinks he's got a shot because Wilson goes to another school. Mary thinks she can ditch him when she gets to her class, but the boy has that class too.

Matt arrives late to his English class. He's surprised to see that Ms. Peabody is not teaching the class. He asks the teacher a bunch of questions that the teacher doesn't appreciate. He orders Matt to take a seat. Then he does that thing where he has everyone look at the people sitting next to them, and promises that he's going to fail most of the class, thus preventing their graduation. Do people really do that? Matt looks terrified.

Back at the Camdens, Annie is watching a movie that Eric slept through. She's folding laundry. They start to head upstairs, when the phone rings. Annie answers the phone and quickly hands it to Eric, telling him that whatever the problem is she's going with him. It's Sargent Michaels, calling with a problem on the powers of RevCamden can solve. He wants the Reverend to help him talk a jumper down.

High school. Lucy still can't open her locker. One of Matt's friends comes up to share some gossip. A kid in her class is threatening to jump off the roof of his apartment building. He's trying to do her a favor by including her. Jimmy and his girlfriend drop by. Lucy tries to share the gossip, but they already know about it. She heads to her class, but Matt stops her to tell her about the jumper. She snaps at him that she already knows.

They see that Mary is still showing the new kid around. He still needling her about basketball in an effort to ask her out. Matt notes that she looks like she's not having fun. Lucy snaps at him a bit more. He asks her why she's carrying so many books, giving her the opportunity to rant about her locker.
Matt offers to try, but since Jimmy and Ashley are kissing right there, Lucy turns him down. The bell rings and Matt's English teacher wanders by to give him crap about being tardy.

On the roof. Mark from Home Improvement is sitting, looking pensive. Below, his mother is trying to make sense of the situation. She's really defensive about her parenting. She reveals that they argued about his clothes and other things that morning. Annie tries to be sympathetic, but you can tell she's judging. Mark stands up, sees the commotion below, and mutters "Oh, no," before the scene ends.

Middle School. Nigel tells Simon some gossip about the jumper situation. I am shocked at how quickly news spreads in Glen Oak. Nigel wants to check it out at lunch, but Simon points out they have no ride. The bell rings, and Simon finds himself alone in the hallway. He runs off to class.

Ruthie's class. It's storytime. Ruthie takes this to mean that she can put her hat back on. She gets in trouble again. The teacher threatens her with a time out. The teacher invites the kids to ask questions before they begin, so of course, Ruthie asks if any of her classmates are gangmembers. The teacher insists that the rules are the same for everyone. Another kid starts talking about the jumper. The teacher turns it into a brief lesson on calling the cops in an emergency. The kids thinks the cops were going to call in a super hero. The teacher seems annoyed by the turn in conversation, but since she asked if they had questions, she has only herself to blame.

Rooftop. Mark's mother announces she's going up. Eric tries to talk her out of it. His mother thinks he's not suicidal, but that he's just trying to make a point. She starts yelling at him to come down immediately. Mark shouts down at Eric not to let his mom come up.

Annie suggests that Mark's mother take a walk with her. This gives Eric a chance to talk to Mark without interference. Mark just wants to be left alone. Eric and Sargent Michael's plot to get closer to Mark. Eric tells Mark that he's coming up. Mark tells him not to, and Eric agrees to wait until Mark is ready.

Ruthie's class. The teacher is just finishing the story. She announces that it's time for recess, and every kid in the class gets up and puts on a backwards baseball cap. Only Ruthie gets a time out though. Ruthie's friend asks for a time out too. The teacher gives her permission.

Middle school. Simon and Nigel are eating lunch. The big kid from earlier hassles them about sitting at his table. Simon offers to share his lunch, thus placating the bully. Simon starts to use a butterknife to cut his chicken in half, and is immediately busted. A lunch aide sends him to the principal's office. The bully explains to Nigel that Simon had a weapon, and then proceeds to eat Simon's lunch.

High school. The new boy is still following Mary around. She's finally had enough, and heads for the ladies' room. She finds Lucy with her giant stack of books. Lucy vents about her locker, and complains about how carrying all her books is starting to hurt her arms. Mary offers to let Lucy put her books in Mary's locker and tells her that she has some aspirin.

The new boy is waiting for them, and asks if they're done putting on their faces. The guy continues to be skeevy, and Mary finally ends the tour. She then gives Lucy a couple aspirin, which Lucy takes at a nearby water fountain. This catches the eye of the principal and both girls are sent to the office. Upon noticing that Jimmy and his girlfriend witnessed this, Lucy threatens to puke. Mary just rolls her eyes.

Matt and his friend are complaining about their new English teacher. The teacher's name is Koper. As they're whining, Koper wonders up behind them. Clearly overhearing their conversation. Before Matt can make excuses, a beeper goes off. This gives Koper the chance to bust him for carrying drug paraphenelia. Koper clearly takes a lot of pleasure in sending Matt to the principal's office.

Annie and Mark's mother are still on their walk. The mother is giving her whole backstory about how hard it is to raise a kid on her own, and how useless Mark's father was. Annie tries to be sympathetic. She fails. Mark's mother decides that she's had enough and is going up to talk to her son. Annie tries to talk her out of it, but Mark's mother is having none of her advice. She resents it when people in authority try to tell her what to do with her own child.

Annie rushes up to tell her husband that she lost Mark's mom. They see her on the roof and all start running. Mark is upset that his mom didn't listen to him. She tells him that she's the mom, and she's not about to start taking orders from her teen-aged son. She tells him that it's time to get to school, and that they will talk about this when she gets off work. Mark doesn't see the point since his mom doesn't listen to him. Then he starts complaining about his pants and how they're the wrong brand. And that he can't wear them to school. His mother fails to understand what is wrong with the pants. They are then joined by Eric, Annie and Sargent Michaels.

Mark confesses that he wasn't going to jump. He just wanted to be heard. And he doesn't want to go to school because nobody understands how hard it is to go to school. He begs his mom not to make him go and sits down. Eric goes to sit next to him and offer a condescending shoulder pat that Elizabeth Wakefield can only aspire to.

Ruthie's school. Ruthie and Lynn are trying to flush her hat down the toilet. The teacher catches them. They explain that they thought flushing would get the hat out of the toilet. The teacher agrees to help if Ruthie promises not to wear it to school anymore. Ruthie agrees and convinces the teacher to let her go by "Ruthie" instead of "Ruth." Lynn notes that Ruthie's never wearing a hat that's been in the toilet. Ruthie agrees and plans to give it Simon.

Rooftop. Eric and Mark are talking about the situation. Mark tells him that he just came up to the roof to ditch because he hates his clothes so much. Eric doesn't understand what's wrong with the clothes. I'm not sure either, except that the white t-shirt with jeans are a little boring. And the pants seem too big, but that was the style in 1997. Apparently, Mark is very brand conscious. Eric pretends to understand. At this point Mark's mom decides that she wants to understand. She tries to give him a pep talk about how bright he is, but Mark notes that makes him a geek. He blames her for his geekiness. Mom tries to rope the Reverend into telling Mark that he's not a geek. The Reverend dodges the question, leading Mark's mother to admonish him for letting what the other kids say get to him. None of this is helpful to Mark, but Eric makes a couple snarky comments. Eventually they come to an understanding.

Middle school. Simon tells the bully that he got suspended. He's worried about getting in trouble until he remembers that Annie put the knife in his lunch box. Nigel asks why the school couldn't get ahold of Eric. Simon's not sure, claiming they've beeped him about 50 times.

Cut to the high school where Eric's beeper continues to incriminate Matt. The principal's understanding, but says she has to apply the same rules to everyone.
Mary and Lucy are waiting in the outer office. Koper introduces himself as the new assistent basketball coach. He offers to help her with her rehabilitation. She's really excited. He then gives Matt an assignment to work on during his suspension. He then tells Matt that he has some talent as a writer. The principal gives each of the Camdens a one day suspension. She also gives Lucy a new lock. And tells her a story about how Jimmy's girlfriend flashed the cafeteria in Pocahontas underwear. Because this principal totally plays favorites where the Camdens are concerned.

Eric and Annie start heading home. He exposits that Mark and his mother will be coming in for weekly counciling with him. They note that they're lucky to have such great kids and smugly suggest that their doing a good job raising them. Sargent Michaels interrupts this to let them know that the schools have been trying to reach them for awhile now.

Night at the Camdens. The kids are blaming their parents for their various suspensions. Which, in these cases, is acurate. Ruthie does give Simon her hat and giggles when he puts it on. Ew. I hope it got washed first.
The kids bring up the jumper. They accurately think he was up there because he didn't want to go to school. Eric tells them a crazy story involving burglars. I can't believe that any of the kids buy it. Though Matt sees it for the ploy it is. Eric asks him to spread it around anyway.

The episode ends with the parents counting down the hours until the suspensions are over.

Thoughts:

I guess the writers are against zero-tolerance policies.

It seems funny that beepers were once considered drug paraphenalia in light of all the communication devises that kids have now.

Principal Russell is way too open about her favoritism toward the Camdens.

Mr. Koper is such a character of a tough teacher. Who really tells a class that half of them won't pass?

The plot surrounding the jumper was really uneven. The mom was clearly over-bearing and unsympathetic. And she didn't seem to get the seriousness of the situation. But the kid caused a public commotion because he didn't like his jeans, so it's hard to take him very seriously.

I can't believe the speed of gossip in this town.

Lucy it is well past time for you to be over Jimmy Moon. Please never mention him again.

I will try to post more frequently. There's just a lot to do at work right now.

Don't Take My Love Away

We open at the church. Eric is interrupted from typing by a parishoner. They make small talk so that he can reveal he doesn't have a car today. The parishoner, Nora, wants to talk about her wedding anniversary, but Eric makes it all about him by mentioning that his wedding anniversary is the same day. I hope he feels like a jerk when Nora reminds him that her husband was murdered during a gas station hold up three years prior. A situation that the caring Reverend apparently blocked from his mind. Cause he's that awesome of a pastor. Nora wants to see the boy who killed her husband, but the boy refuses. She wants Eric to get her a visit. 'Cause he's just that connected. He says he'll do his best. Nora leaves, nicely wishing him a happy anniversary. Eric looks at a picture of him and Annie, then frantically calls home, demanding that Annie not go anywhere. Annie is confused.

Simon takes this info and runs upstairs to tell all his siblings. They all hurry downstairs, as we cut to scenes of Eric running home. Matt even gets off the phone with Heather's mom to hear whatever the news might be firsthand. Eric busts into the kitchen, gets down on his knees and asks Annie to marry him, even though they're already married. She looks ecstatic, but the kids just look confused.

Night at the CamMansion. Annie is nervous about putting on a wedding in a couple days. It is revealed that they're first wedding fell apart. Eric promises to take care of everything, and that Annie just has to show up. He's hoping she can wear some "hippy-dippy" dress that she wore to their actual wedding. Annie reminises about how she wanted to wear her mom's dress at their wedding, but Eric's mom wanted her to wear the dress Ruth wore. One of the many things that caused them to basically elope. Annie agrees to wear the "hippy-dippy" dress.

Simon interrupts his parents snogging. He has to whine at them a couple times to get their attention. He's worried about whether she'll have finished the attic before school starts, as he is eager to stop sharing a room with Ruthie. Ruthie is not as thrilled to have her own room.

She announces that she may not make it to the wedding, blaming her other siblings' lack of interest and unwillingness to give up the last weekend of the summer. Eric tells her they all have to go. Annie pretends to be the voice of reason, wondering if they're crazy for having a second wedding. Eric agrees, but wants to go through with it anyway.

Annie changes the subject to Nora and whether Eric thinks he can get her a visit with the kid who killed her husband. Eric thinks he can because he found out the kid misses fastfood. Annie calls him out on the obvious bribery, but Eric says that since the kid's already a killer, there's no way for a pastor to corrupt him. Annie gives him a look, and he admits it's a small sin for a good cause. Yea, situational ethics!

Pool hall. Matt is inviting Heather to his parents' wedding ceremony. She agrees to go. They get all sappy and kissy.

Wilson is walking Mary and her crutches to her door. He wants to know what's up with her bad mood. He thinks he knows why she's in a bad mood, but she's not admiting that she's upset. He encourages her to talk to somebody. They kiss goodnight.

Lucy is staring at a picture of Jimmy Moon and crying. Aw, I thought we'd gotten rid of him. She decides to call him, but gets his machine, which includes a helpful suggestion to try him at his new girlfriend's number. Lucy flops down on her bed to cry some more. Come on Lucy, you've had months to move on. He's not worth it.

Lucy pretends to be sleeping when Mary comes in. Mary calls her out on the lying and chastises her for crying over Jimmy Moon all summer. She tells her to get over it. They fight about Jimmy and whether Mary is in a bad mood. Mary is in a bad mood, but she's right about Lucy's wallowing.

Annie is painting the attic. Simon and Ruthie wander in so that Simon can plan out how his new room will look and Ruthie can be annoyed by it. Annie informs Simon that he and Matt will be picking out tuxedos the next day. Simon is less than thrilled. Annie tells him she's always dreamed of having a big wedding, complete with her two sons waiting at the end of the aisle. Simon thinks this is weird. Word, Simon.

Ruthie wants a tuxedo. Annie offers to make her a dress in less than a week, but she would prefer the tuxedo. Annie agrees to think about it.

Eric is on the phone with Annie's dad. Whispering. Annie wanders in and puts paint brushes in the freezer, because she's going to use them the next day. She says it's an old painters' trick, but I'm not sure I believe her. After she leaves, Eric asks Grandpa to send Grandma's wedding dress if there's time.
Matt and Heather are macking in his station wagon. He's upset that she's going back to school in Pennsylvania. A knock on the car hood interrupts. Heather rushes out to give the guy knocking a giant hug. Matt looks sad.

Morning at the CamMansion. Wilson is waiting in the living room. Lucy greets him. She lets something slip about the wedding. Mary follows her into the room and hits Lucy with one of her crutches. Wilson wants to take Mary to the pool for some rehab exercises, and wants to know about the wedding. She tells him about the wedding, but snits that she never agreed to go to the pool. He hassles her about how he thinks she's ready to give up the crutches. Mary seems less sure, and is pretty crabby about it. Wilson wants to know if he's invited to the wedding. Mary gives him a non-answer about how she doesn't even want to go. Wilson decides to give her some space.

Tux shop. Matt and Simon are waiting for Ruthie to pick out a tux. I guess Annie decided this was less work than making a dress. This gives Simon the opportunity to butt in to Matt's love life. Matt explains that the guy from last night was a friend from school, and that Heather will be traveling back to school with this guy. Simon thinks this doesn't mean anything good for Matt and Heather.

Ruthie comes out in a tux, and everyone encourages her to get it. She's not ready. Matt goes to talk to her. She admits that she doesn't want Simon to move out of her room. Then she wonders if she and Matt can share a room. Matt tries and fails to convince her that having her own room might be nice. Matt agrees to convince Simon not to move if she picks out a tux.

CamMansion. Annie is still painting the attic. Lucy comes up to chat about how she doesn't want to go to the wedding because she doesn't have a boyfriend. She wants to invite Jimmy to the wedding. Annie looks like she doesn't think this is a good idea, but she doesn't actually tell Lucy.

Juvenile Detention Center. Eric brings the murderer kid a burger. They chat. The kids pretty surly. Eric explains why Nora wants to talk to him. The kid makes a random threat towards Nora, which would make me think it would be better to drop the whole thing right then and there. The kid goes on to blame his life and television for his current state. Eric gets in his face and starts yelling at him. The kid dumps out all the letters Nora sent him. He refuses to see Nora, but at least he got his burger.

Night. Lucy and Mary snip at each other some more. The phone rings. Mary gets it over Lucy's protests. Jimmy Moon is calling Lucy back. Mary tries to cover, but Jimmy is wise to it. She snits at Lucy and hands her the phone. Jimmy calls Lucy out on the lying. Lucy invites him to the wedding. Jimmy agrees to come and bring Ashley. Lucy is an idiot. She blames Mary for the mess, and snits that she hates her. Mary shares the sentiment and throws a fluffy pink dress at Lucy's head, claiming that they have to try them on.

Matt picks Heather up for their date. She wants to bring her friend because she feels bad about leaving her friend alone. She kisses him, and Matt agrees.
Simon is explaining to Ruthie his decorating plans for the room. He likes
super heroes. Ruthie plants a story in his head about the attic being haunted. Simon is stupid enough to be taken in by it.

Downstairs, Annie is cooing over the fluffy dresses she's making Mary and Lucy wear. Neither girl looks thrilled by this. Eric comes in and announces all the plans he's made since yesterday.

Annie asks him about the meeting, but he doesn't say much. He tries to change the subject by asking if Mary invited Wilson. Lucy answers for her, saying that Mary didn't invite him. Annie tries to ask, but all Mary will say is that she doesn't want him there. Lucy takes this opportunity to blame Mary for forcing her to invite Jimmy and Ashley to the wedding. I saw it Luce, Mary didn't make you do anything. They nearly come to blows, and Mary tells her parents that they're the only ones having fun with the wedding plans.

Eric asks about the tuxedos. Eric takes an opportunity to approve of Matt's shorter hair. The doorbell puts an end to this conversation.

It's Wilson, but Mary doesn't want to hobble downstairs to see him. Eric offers to talk to her, but Annie takes charge. Eric wants to know what's going on with his daughters. Annie notes that they're in a self-pity contest. She promises to declare them both losers. Not something one wants to hear from one's mother.

Wilson is throwing rocks at Mary's window. Lucy thinks Mary is lucky to have a boyfriend. Mary thinks Lucy is lucky that she can walk. Wilson breaks the window right as Annie comes into the room. He offers to pay for it, and Annie promises to send Mary downstairs. She tells Mary she owes it to Wilson to tell him if she doesn't want him around anymore and that she shouldn't ignore him and be rude to him. Mary grudgingly heads downstairs. Um, wouldn't it be easier for the person whose not on crutches to navigate stairs?

Lucy makes a snide comment, giving Annie an opening to tell her to get over Jimmy Moon. Annie tells Lucy that Jimmy and Ashley can't come the wedding. Lucy calls, but gets the machine. She leaves a convuluted message that basically uninvites the couple, but offers an invite if Jimmy wants to come alone. Oh, Lucy.

Mary and Wilson talk. He tries apologize. She starts crying. She admits that she's afraid to stop using her crutches. Wilson tries to be encouraging, but Mary isn't convinced.

Matt comes home and he and Wilson bond a bit over girl troubles. Wilson leaves.
Matt talks to Eric about his insecurity around Heather. Eric doesn't really do much to assure him. The Camdens give such crappy advice.

Simon is up in the attic trying to convince himself that he's not scared of it. He fails. Annie comes up, and he explains about the ghost. Annie assures him that no one died in the house, and explains that Ruthie isn't ready to let Simon go. Simon agrees to share with Ruthie a little longer.

The phone rings. It's the killer kid's social worker. Apparently, the kid has agreed to see Nora. Eric agrees to go as long as he can get to his wedding on time.

Morning. Annie's dress is delivered. She's thrilled to be able to wear her mother's dress. Much kissing ensues.

Matt picks up Heather for the wedding. He invites her friend, so that Heather has someone to sit with. And so he can prove he's secure in his relationship with Heather. Everyone is all smiles.

Simon tells Ruthie that he's not moving out for another six months. She's happy, until she finds out she doesn't get the top bunk.

Detention center. Nora and Eric wait for the kid. He comes in, still surly. She wants to know more about what happened the night her husband died. She finds out that her husband died trying to protect someone, which she finds sllightly comforting. She tells the kid all the ways he's changed her life. The kid rolls his eyes 'cause he's bad. Then she tells him that she forgives him. The kid yells at her, saying that he never asked for her forgiveness. She leaves.

Eric tells him that she forgave him so that she could move on and starts to follow her out. The kid asks if God will forgive him. Eric tells the kid to pray that God does, but that he Eric probably never will. Because Eric is a crappy pastor.

Church. Mary and Lucy are fighting somemore. Mostly about who has more of a right to feel sorry for herself. I hate to say it, but Annie's right-- they're both losers. They start to have a catfight-- complete with hair pulling and tackling. Matt tries to break them up, but Annie stops him. When the finally stop fighting, Annie asks them if they feel better and leaves the room without waiting for a response. Lucy offers to help Mary up.

The Wedding. The church is full. Happy is wearing a tie. Lucy is helping Mary walk down the aisle without her crutches. All is well. Simon tells Eric that he missed a great chick fight. Shut up Simon.

Annie walks down the aisle, ready to renew her vows. Everyone smiles when she gets there. The episode fades out before the ceremony starts.

Thoughts:

That was quite the wedding to be pulled off in two days.

Lucy, shut up about Jimmy Moon. You've had at least three months to get over him.

Ruthie, why do you want to share your room with your brothers?

Simon, why are you being outwitted by a five year old?

Mary's fears about giving up her crutches seem pretty realistic. Including how bitchy she was being to everybody. Doesn't make it that pleasant to watch though.

I'm surprised Eric and Annie eloped. Annie seems like the type to insist on her perfect wedding.

Eric, how do you forget that your parishoner's husband was stabbed to death three years ago? That's not the kind of thing that usually slips one's mind.

Welcome to Season 2!

Dangerous Liaisons Part 2

Previouslies-- recapped here: Dangerous Liaisons Part 1

Night at the Cam-mansion. Matt and the rest of the kids sit in the living room, waiting for news about Mary. Nobody is talking until Simon thinks it's not fair that their parents wouldn't let them hang out at the hospital during Mary's surgery. Matt snaps at him and defends the parents which surprises Lucy. She accuses Matt of towing the party line. Which he will continue to do for years to come. His siblings tease him about being a rebel.

The phone interupts their conversation. It's Eric checking in. He tells Matt that Mary is still in surgery and encourages Matt to take them out for food. He also asks about Heather because there is always time to hassle your kids about their potential love interest. Eric tells him to take everyone to a new cafe. Matt asks if the cops know who hit Mary, but there's no word. Srgt. Michael's must be slacking.

Matt gets off the phone and orders his siblings into the car.
The doorbell rings. It's Jimmy Moon. Lucy tries to figure out a way to hide her hair before Simon lets him in, but fails. Jimmy came to see how Lucy was doing in light of Mary's accident, but gets distracted by her hair. She yells at him and runs off. He asks Simon is the hair is permenant, and Simon replies, "If we're totally lucky." I can't imagine what he means by that.

Hospital. Wilson cons a nurse into giving him an update on Mary by claiming to be her brother. Grandpa overhears this, but doesn't correct the nurse. He then teases Wilson about not buying his "grandpa" a birthday present last year, saying he likes the color blue. Weird. Mary is still in surgery.

Grandpa starts spouting platitudes about how tomorrow is another day, but catches himself, saying sarcastically, "I may break into song any minute." I really like the grandparents on this show.

Grandpa catches Eric to ask about any news. Eric doesn't have any. Grandpa asks about his daughter, but Eric isn't in the mood to moderate and suggests he ask her himself. Grandpa doesn't think this is a good idea, but takes Eric's advice anyway. He also reveals that Ginger is packing at their hotel.

Wilson offers to get Annie and Eric some food. Eric takes him up on this offer. Still no word on the driver. What could Srgt. Michael's be doing with his time?

Grandpa enters the waiting room, only to be berated by Annie for showing up. He tells Annie that he loves Mary, and wanted to know what was going on. Annie gets her bitch on and starts to confront him about moving on from her mom so quickly. He explains that he has been grieving and that he needed Ginger's support to step back into the world. He also takes her to task about her behavior towards Ginger. They are interrupted by Eric announcing that Mary is out of surgery. Annie starts out of the room and Grandpa asks her to at least let him know how she is. Annie pauses, but doesn't answer. Because she is just that bitchy. Eric kinda nods.

At the cafe. The rest of the Camdens are just getting their menus. It is unusually quiet. Because everyone in the resteraunt is using sign language. Lucy has apparently heard about the place and says it's run by people who are deaf. Apparently, Glen Oak has quite the deaf community, but no school for the deaf, which is the only reason I can think of that Heather goes to school in Pennsylvania. Matt notes that Eric is trying to teach him a lesson. Because even when his daughter's in surgery, RevCamden can find the time to help his son stalk girls. Simon finds this impressive instead of creepy. They worry about how they are going to order, and Matt suggests that they point at the menu.

Hospital. Mary is being wheeled to her room from surgery. She's still groggy. Eric and Annie talk to the doctor. He starts telling them about the damage to her knee. He's very positive about Mary's recovery. They go in to talk to Mary. Wilson chooses this moment to deliver the burgers, giving Mary the opportunity to say, "I hope the accident didn't scare your son." Wilson looks a little panicky, but the Camparents think she meant his little brother. Wilson doesn't correct them.

Annie blames herself for the accident, but Eric reassures her that it was nobody's fault.

Resteraunt. The kids are eating when Matt sees Heather come in. She pointedly ignores him. This causes his siblings to tease him, and Matt orders them to finish eating 'cause he's ready to leave. Considering that it looks like they've just been served, that could take awhile.

Hotel. Ginger is getting into a cab, and breaking up with Grandpa. Grandpa looks sad. I dislike Annie even more.

Resteraunt. Matt flags down the waiter to ask how to sign "I'm sorry." The waiter shows him, and his siblings tease him some more. Ruthie offers to show him some other signs from Sesame Street, but Matt isn't interested. He gets up to apologize to Heather. Her friends laugh at him. Ruthie runs over and signs that Matt loves Heather, which Heather finds endearing instead of creepy. Aww.

Morning. Lucy is freaking out about going to school as a blonde. Considering her hair looks much better here than in later seasons, I'm not sure what the problem is. Annie tries to assure her that it looks fine, but Lucy doesn't calm down until Matt tells her the hair is sexy. Ew. She is super pleased by this. Double ew. She then asks her dad if it looks sexy. Triple ew. He tells her it looks nice, and that if his thirteen year-old daughter had sexy hair he'd shave her head. This scene is wigging me out, so let's move on.

Eric reveals that Mary is coming home tomorrow, and everyone gets ready to head for school. Matt thanks him for the resteraunt reccommendation, wondering how he knew Heather would be there. Matt, you're dad is a creepy stalker who keeps tabs on the whole town. Eric claims to have guessed because it's the only resteraunt in town that serves deaf people apparently.

Hospital. Grandpa is visiting Mary. He wanted to check in on her before he went back to Phoenix. She asks about Ginger and is sorry to hear that they've split up. Mrs. Peacock also drops into visit, bringing fast food. She's flirty with Grandpa, and offers him a ride to the airport. Grandpa looks less than thrilled.

Middle school. Lucy is twirling, finally excited about her new hair. Jimmy is upset about the change, especially since she didn't talk to him about it first. Jimmy is giving off quite the controlling vibe here. He doesn't like blondes. He tells her to call him when it's washed out. She threatens to find someone who likes her as a blonde. Tense.

Cam-Mansion. Annie is doing laundry. Eric tries to talk to her about her father. Annie still has her bitch on, even after Eric tells her that Ginger left. He tries to encourage her to see things from her father's point of view, and notes that happily married people often remarry quickly after the death of their spouse. Annie assumes that Eric is telling her he will remarry quickly, but I have to assume that Eric will be so glad to be free of his shrewish wife, that he'll embrace the single life. She does seem to hear him when he suggests that her behavior could result in a severed relationship with her father.

Hotel. Grandpa has convinced Mrs. Peacock to let him take a cab to the airport. She encourages him to follow his heart instead of letting Annie dictate how he should run his life. She tells him a whole story about her daughter driving away a love interest. Grandpa looks thoughtful.
Hospital. Annie and Mary talk about Wilson. Mary has decided after one date that he might be the one. She's worried that Eric and Annie might have a problem with him. Annie can't imagine why they would, and Mary does not elect to tell her...

Because Wilson is in Eric's office explaining that Billy is his son. He does that thing where he starts talking about a "friend." It takes Eric awhile to figure this out. Turns out that Billy's mother, who Wilson did marry, died in childbirth. After Wilson is finished with his story, he asks Eric's permission to date Mary, promising that he's now committed to sex in the context of marriage. Eric doesn't give him an answer.

High school. Matt greets Heather with a kiss. They make a date. Michael Towner approaches and asks him how Mary is doing. He ends up revealing that he was driving the car, causing Matt to lose his temper. Which given the circumstances is fairly understandable. Michael tries to convince Matt to pick a place and time if Matt is going to get violent, but Matt can't wait and starts punching him on school grounds. Heather freaks out and drives off. A teacher rushes over to break up the fight, but Michael covers for Matt. After everyone disperses, Matt realizes Heather is gone.

Night. Annie is folding laundry when Ruthie comes in with the promise of a surprise. It's Grandpa. He and Annie finally talk it out. He also mentions the story Mrs. Peacock told him. After he leaves, Annie calls Mrs. Peacock to thank her, and to confirm that Mrs. Peacock doesn't have a daughter. Heh. When they hang up, Mrs. Peacock pronounces them all nuts. True that.

Hospital. Michael Towner brings Mary a teddy bear. Judging by his bruise, Matt really clocked him good. He confesses, and tells her that the Camdens decided not to press charges. If Eric didn't own Srgt. Michaels, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have a say in the matter. He apologizes, and Mary tells him that she thinks he's a jerk but that she doesn't hate him. Michael promises that he's going to change his life. He even apologizes for hasseling Wilson when the boy enters the room.

Wilson reveals that he told the Reverend about his son. Mary is worried about her mom's reaction. Probably 'cause she knows Annie is crazy.
Matt is waiting for Heather at the cafe. She seems to be standing him up. But then she shows up and tells him that they don't know each other very well. And that he scared her when he beat up Michael. She asks him to write to her at school to give them time to get to know each other. Then she leaves.

Cam-Mansion. Simon, Ruthie and Eric are listening to Lucy cry through her bedroom door. Eric gets ready to go talk to her, but Simon decides he wants to handle it, since he's the expert on her hair. Lucy tells him that Jimmy took her friend Ashley on a date, meaning they have broken up. Lucy is predicting that the next day is going to be the worst day of her life. Mind you, she says this the day after her sister nearly got killed in a car accident. Lucy, get some perspective.

Simon gives her a pep talk about how Jimmy Moon isn't good enough for her, reasoning that he's not enough like Eric. Weird. And ew. Lucy seems to feel better, and Simon signs that he's sorry.

Matt and Annie talk. She lectures him about resorting to violence, and demands that he quash rumors about Michael running over Mary on purpose. Annie also threatens to hunt him herself if Michael doesn't learn from the experience. I'd be worried if I were Michael.

Hospital. Mary is getting ready to leave. The doctor sets a follow-up appointment, and Mary makes a comment about getting back in the game. The doctor pulls Eric aside to mention that Mary might have a tough road to recovery. Eric takes this to indicate that she might not be ready to go home and yells at the doctor, without really giving him a chance to explain. The scene cuts away before we find out what the problem is.

Back at the house, Annie has a surprise for her father. She invited Ginger to Mary's homecoming party. Ginger enlists Grandpa's help with party decorations, noting that Simon pulled something blowing up balloons. The less said about that the better. Looks like everything's resolved on that front. Except that Annie stil looks pretty tense.

Matt asks if they can be late for school, and Annie says that everyone's taking the day off. She also mentions that Heather left a message and pretends to forget what the message was. Turns out that Heather is at the Camden's.

Heather is teaching Lucy some sign language. Matt comes in, and they kiss while Lucy looks on smiling.

Eric and Mary pull up to the house. She wants to know what the doctor said earlier. Basically, her knee injury might be extensive enough to prevent her from ever playing basketball again. They're both in near tears for most of the conversation. Mary expresses her determination to fully recover and breaks down in to full on tears. Eric encourages her, and is sure that she can do anything she sets her mind to. She doesn't want to tell the rest of the family just yet, and orders Eric to look happier.

There's a party set up in the backyard. Simon and Ruthie are prying into Grandpa and Ginger's relationship, seeming to push them towards marriage. Wilson asks Annie if she's heard about his situation. Annie tells him that he can visit Mary while she's recovering, giving the family time to get to know him. Surprisingly fair, coming from the Camdens.

Eric wheels Mary into the yard. Hugs all around. They start playing basketball. Wilson is pushing her wheelchair. Annie asks Eric what's wrong, so Eric tells her what the doctor said. Annie notes that Mary is already playing basketball.

They join the game, as the scene fades out, ending the first of many seasons.

Thoughts:

It's completely improbable that Michael Towner would be the driver of the car, but I guess this enables him to learn the lesson he didn't learn in the episode he spent harrassing Mary.

I still can't get over how rude Annie is to her father and Ginger.

The fight scene between Matt and Michael actually resembled the kind of fights people have in high school.

If I were Heather, I would find Matt's showing up at that resteraunt creepy instead of cute.

Also, I really don't understand why Jimmy Moon is so upset about Lucy's hair.

Or why Lucy is so excited when Matt says her hair is sexy. Or why Lucy is hoping her father will find it sexy. Ew, because it can't be said enough.

One season down. Ten to go.

It's About George

We open with the Colonel (yea!) and the rest of the family waiting to take Julie home from Rehab. The Colonel thinks they shoud have waited for Eric to finish with some meeting. George gives him a pep talk. Julie comes down and expresses nervousness about seeing her parents and meeting George. Everyone tries to be reassuring. Julie and her parents make some awkward conversation. George promises to look out for her.

Eric is playing pool while he waits for the Chief of Police. Something about reacclimating a cop by the name of Will Grayson who just got out of the witness protection program. Will and the Chief meet with Eric. Will is going back on the force. His real issue is to locate his son, who he gave up for adoption before he testified in some Mafia trial. He reveals the kid would be about 10 and his name is George. Because no coincidence is too unlikely for 7th Heaven to take on.

Back at the Camden's, Mary and Lucy are trying to prepare Jimmy Moon for meeting the Colonel. Matt thinks this pointless, as the Colonel and Ruth will most likely tear him to shreds anyway. He and Mary role play to demonstrate how the meeting will most likely go. This causes Matt to uses a breadstick as a fake cigar. They do a fair impression of their grandparents. Jimmy thinks they're exaggerating. Lucy suggests he comes back tomorrow. To which he replies, "Whatever." Whatever indeed Mr. Moon.

Upstairs, the Colonel and Ruth try to talk to Julie about her future plans. She's looking forward to spending sometime with her brother's family. Julie points out that she just got out of rehab and hasn't had time to think about it. The scene amounts to the Colonel and Ruth trying to get of sense of Julie's plans and Julie feeling pressured by it. They offer to put her up at their home, but Julie seems reluctant. Julie and her parents seem awkward and distant from each other. Julie looks like she's having trouble coping with her parents.

Garage. George and Simon still don't like each other.

Night. The family is sitting around the dinner table while Eric tells a story about the Colonel picking a fight with Mickey Mouse at Disney Land. Everyone finds it amusing. Except Julie, who suggests that the Colonel could take George to Magic Mountain and beat up Bugs Bunny. An awkward silence descends, which Annie breaks by telling everyone she's been building a boat for the Colonel and George. She leads everyone out to see it, so that Julie and Eric can talk.

She tells Eric that she's having a hard time, especially with her parents around. They have a sweet moment. Then she asks if something is wrong. Eric admits that there is, and that it's about George.

Outside, the boat looks like a disaster waiting to happen. With boards sticking out and random colors of paint. Annie tries to defend it as a work in progress, but that doesn't stop her children from laughing at her. Ruth joins in, but George asks the Colonel for permission to laugh and is denied. Instead the Colonel gives a speech about an incident in the Korean War. He tells Annie that he and George will be proud to sail in the boat. Everyone else is still laughing at Annie though.

Bedtime. Lucy and Mary are sharing their room with Julie and Ruthie. Lucy is prying into Julie's life plan, but Julie hasn't found any answers in the last few hours. She tells the girls that she needs to figure out where she wants to live. Then she changes the subject to ask about Mary's basketball career and Lucy's boyfriend. After making Lucy more nervous about the prospect of having Jimmy Moon meet the Colonel, Ruthie asks why Julie doesn't like the Colonel. Julie fudges an answer and everyone encourages her to give a chance because George has changed them so much. This causes Julie to get quiet. Everyone goes to bed. Lucy and Mary think somethings up.

The Colonel and Ruth are in the master bedroom. He's upset about how Julie's been acting. Ruth tries to make him feel better about it. They start talking about George, all happy about having him in the family.

Eric and Annie are trying to share Matt's twin bed again. Because that was so much fun the last time the Colonel was in town. Eric tells her about the situation with Will Grayson and his son. Annie thinks this is a good idea, until she learns that it's George that Eric is talking about. They both look sad.

Morning. Jimmy meets Lucy grandparents. The Colonel and Ruth replay the exact scene Matt and Mary performed earlier. It's actually pretty funny. Especially since Jimmy and Lucy both look terrified. The Colonel dismisses them and the two adults laugh at their joke. Eric pops in to ask them into his office to talk.

Outside, Jimmy and Lucy are discussing the meeting. Jimmy tries to pretend he wasn't properly prepared, but Lucy calls him on it. He agrees, saying he fell victim to his own arrogance. What teenager talks like that?

In Eric's office, Eric breaks the news about George to his parents. They take it pretty hard. The Colonel asks Eric to help them keep custody of George, but Eric says there's nothing he can do. The Colonel storms out, and Ruth asks Eric if he knew what it took for the Colonel to ask for help. She then asks Eric if he thinks that Will Grayson should get custody of George. Eric makes the mistake of indicating a yes answer, earning him a slap across the face. It's pretty awesome to watch. Ruth looks pretty shocked at her action, saying she and the Colonel don't know how to be helpless.

George reveals that is really is a Camden by coming out from hiding behind a cabinet. Eric convinces George to meet the guy. George leaves, and Eric actually starts praying. Which happens surprisingly little for a show about a minister.
George is hanging with Simon and Ruthie, preparing to meet his father. Ruth and the Colonel come in to assure him that they intend to fight for custody. Eric comes in to take George to the meeting. Ruthie gives him a hug and Simon gives him a pat on the shoulder for good measure. They both look despondent.

George is nervous about meeting his father. Eric talks him up. Will meets them there, and apologizes for uprooting him one more time. George asks for a timeline. He's pretty stoic about it. He announces that he'll wait outside. Eric and Will discuss him a bit, until Eric remembers that George has a history of running away. They both head outside, but George is nowhere to be seen.

Night. Julie is trying to comfort her mother, but makes the mistake of refering to Will as his father. Ruth corrects her, insisting that the Colonel is George's father. Annie is making tea. Julie is trying to be way to rational about the situation, which is not comforting to Ruth. Ruth confronts Julie on her behaviour towards her father. Julie calls her father 'a stone,' causing Ruth to go on a rant about how the entire situation is Julie's fault. Her rationale doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but her kid is missing, she's not thinking straight. Annie tries too late to head off the fight. Ruth tries to apologize, but Julie's not hearing it. She starts yelling at her mother about what a loser she is, but blames her mother for raising her that way. Ruth responds by denying respnsibility and leaving the room.

Church. George is stealing from Eric's office, when Eric catches him. George is feeling torn between the Camdens and his father. He thinks they're both great. How he knows Will is great after a ten second meeting, I'm not sure. Eric convinces him to come back to the Cam-mansion.

The Colonel is sitting outside alone. Mary comes out to tell him that George is back. Mary heads off to bed, pausing to tell the Colonel that she loves him.
Julie is sneaking around the kitchen with a bottle of wine. Matt catches her and talks her out of drinking it. Julie tries to make excuses, but Matt suggests she talk to her father instead.

He's outside, sitting in Annie's boat, crying. Julie goes out to comfort him. He feels as though he's lost his children, but Julie climbs in the boat next to him to tell him that she's not lost. They make up and comfort each other. Ruth watches from the window.

Morning. Julie tells Matt that she didn't take the drink. George asks Simon to look out for the Colonel and Ruth. Simon promises. The boys seem to be getting along better. Simon catches Ruthie listening at the door.

In Eric's office, the Colonel is trashing a plan that Eric has come up with. Will Grayson thinks it is ridiculous as well. The women in the room think it's a great plan. Eric tries to spin it as what's best for George. Annie suggests they fix up their guest house for George's father. Ruth reveals they were planning to offer it to Julie. This is news to the Colonel.

Will wants to know what he's supposed to do in New York, and Eric suggests that they need cops there, too. Will says applying for a transfer would take months, so Ruth offer's the Colonel's connections to speed the process. The Colonel doesn't want to, but Ruth lays down the law, even going so far as to call him John. Eventually all the adults agree.

The Colonel catches all the kids listening at the door and sends them to get their bags. He has George, Lucy and Jimmy Moon wait because he wants to talk to them. He sends the lovebirds to the living room, and offers George a choice between going back with Will or with them. He chooses the Camdens.

Julie wonders how they're going to get the boat to New York. She and Will go to look at it. It looks much more finished. He invites her to ride with him to New York, and she agrees. I sense sparks.

The Colonel and Ruth apoloogize to Jimmy Moon for their behavior at their earlier meeting. The Colonel still manages to freak him out, suggesting that if anyone were to hurt Lucy he'd hunt them down like a dog. Jimmy accepts the apology. He still thinks they're scary.

In the kitchen, Annie, Eric and Julie beg Matt and Mary to do their impression of the Colonel and Ruth. Matt and Mary are reluctant at first, but eventually give in. They really get into, and the adults find it amusing, until the Colonel and Ruth come into the kitchen. Fortunately, the grandparents find it as amusing as I do. Laughs and hugs all round.

Thoughts:

Eric should not have been involved in George's situation due to the obvious conflict of interest. And also, how is it that none of these adults hired a lawyer?

Also, what if George had been adopted as an infant? It seems that whatever the situation, Will was unnecessarily disrupting George's life.

So, did the Camdens just leave their liquor cabinet stocked, knowing that they would be hosting a woman who just got out of rehab, or did Julie make the effort to buy that bottle of wine?

Matt and Mary's impression of their grandparents is pretty funny.

Faith, Hope, and the Bottom Line

Night at the Cam-Mansion. Simon is babbling to Ruthie about how awesome he is at baseball. I don't believe him. But he certainly is using a lot of metaphors. Ruthie is excited to have a class phone list. Simon points out that the phone numbers are probably wrong. Ruthie proves this by not remembering the Camden phone number. Ruthie is sad to discover this, but has faith that her classmates know their phone numbers. Simon tries to show off with his stellar knowledge of the Camden phone number, but Ruthie undercuts this by noting that no one ever calls him. Heh.

Eric is at a job fair, talking to a potential new organist/office assistant. The guy is a little surprised that Eric is so interested because he spent some time in prison. Eric doesn't seem to care and asks him to meet the vestry the next day. Hmm.

Annie is at the vestry meeting apologizing for Eric's lateness. Lou makes his first appearance, noting how much Eric hates the vestry meetings. They need to elect a temporary treasure, and decide to proceed without him. This would not fly at any church I've ever been to. The rector may not always get the final say, but they usually have an opinion on such matters. Especially since the vestry wants to appoint Annie to the position. Can we say conflict of interest?

Morning. Annie is making lunches for her off-spring. Eric is struggling to figure out how to put the sandwiches in the ziploc baggies. 'Cause he's not domestic. Simon comes in so that Annie can ask him if he wants to play Little League. He gives her a long winded answer that boils down to a yes. That means he needs a tetanus shot. He asks if Matt can take him to the clinic. Annie loves the idea. Eric offers to take him, but Simon points out that Eric's fear of needles causes too much anxiety in the waiting room. Eric orders Matt to take Simon of the doctor.

Upstairs, Lucy is thanking Mary for tutoring Jimmy. She also manages to insult Mary while making excuses for his lackluster science grades. Mary totally calls her on this. Lucy gives Mary some ridiculous advice about how to tell if Jimmy actually gets a concept or is just pretending to. It involves looking deeply into Jimmy's eyes. Mary is super annoyed.

Outside, Simon is trying to convince Matt to forge the shot record on his sign-up form. Matt refuses on reasonable grounds, but Simon thinks he can talk Matt into the plan.
Eric tries to discuss Annie's new church position with her. He doesn't seem that thrilled that the vestry appointed her. This is why you shouldn't skip meetings, Rev. Annie is confident that she can handle everything. Eric's worried that vestry is going to make him get a security system, but Annie points out that they are only looking into costs.

Ruthie comes down and reveals that she's certain her siblings will leave her behind someday. She then discusses her dessert. Annie suggests an elaborate trade with the other siblings, causing me to wonder why she didn't just make the lunches that way in the first place. She also talks about her phone list. It's fairly dull.

After the kids leave for school, Eric mentions the ex-con he wants the vestry to meet. Annie asks him straight out if he minds that she's acting as treasurer, and he lies that he's thrilled. Annie pretends to believe him.

Middle school. Lucy gives Jimmy advice on handling Mary. Jimmy sums it up as "smile, show some teeth, basically look pretty." I'm not sure why that would help him learn science from anyone. Lucy give terrible advice.

Church. The ex-con, Ron, is wowing everyone with his mad organ playing skills. Lou, however, is skeptical about hiring an former convict to act as church secretary. Tension...

Doctors. Simon has a pointless conversation with a girl in the waiting room. It's really just a set up for him to freak Matt out about needles and waiting rooms. Matt won't agree to forge anything on the form, but he does agree to bring Simon later. That it succeeds is a testament to Matt's stupidity. How did someone this squemish become a doctor? Simon refers to himself as "the puppet master" as they leave.

Church. Eric is trying to convince Annie about how awesome Ron is and why they should hire him. She points out that the vestry isn't sure they want to test out Ron's rehabilitation with the church's limited resources. Eric is upset that she's not on board with his intuition, and she refers to herself as the practical one. What she's basing that statement on, I can't even imagine.

Eric really steps in it when he suggests that they elected Annie treasurer in order to influence him. Annie is obviously hurt by the comment, but Eric doesn't apologize. Because he sucks.

Ruthie is on the phone with the fire department. Lucy catches her, and gives her a lecture on not calling emergency numbers when there is no emergency. Ruthie tries to blame Simon, and Lucy tells her to stay off the phone. I hope she appreciated the irony of that statement.

Mary is tutoring Jimmy. Lucy is spying on them. Mary is taking Lucy's advice by staring into Jimmy's eyes. Jimmy is also taking Lucy's advice to smile a lot. Lucy has a wacky hallucination-- Mary undoes her ponytail in what is supposed to pass for attraction and uses some breath spray, while Jimmy runs his hands through his hair, and the two move in for a kiss. Jimmy Moon displays more emotion in the fantasy sequence than he has in any other scene in the series. Lucy is jealous.

Church. Lou and the vestry are touring the facility with a guy from a security company. Eric jumps to the conclusion that the vestry has made a decision. He also accuses Lou of not giving the ex-con any more thought. Lou claims they have thought about it, but have not changed their minds. Eric reveals that he didn't even find out what Ron served time for. I find that highly ridiculous, even for 1996. What if Ron had been violent or something. Lou calls Eric on not rethinking his position. Eric thinks the church should be open to anyone, Lou is worried abou t general liability. Annie looks thoughtful.

Night at the Cam-Mansion. Lucy accuses Mary of trying to steal her boyfriend. Actually what she says is that Mary thought "if [Jimmy] had six more arms, he could be a babeloctopus." Not sure what that means, but Mary certainly finds it ridiculous. She responds with, "I didn't think that. What kind of mind would?" Lucy is not be convinced by logic or the fact that Mary thinks Jimmy is useless. She's insane with jealousy. And in case anyone thought she hit rock bottom with the "babeloctopus," she makes even less sense as the conversation continues. Mary finally leaves.

Ron is trying to get into the church. Lou is lurking. Ron asks for a hymnal, but Lou tells him they don't have the money to fill that position. He also asks Ron what his conviction was. He tries to be clever, but it boils down to embezzlement. Lou maintains an air of non-judgment, but it's clear he doesn't think much of Eric's plan to hire the man.

Eric confronts Matt about not waiting for Simon to get his shot. Eric admits that he a Simon ducked out of the shot last year. Eric suggests he brings headphones to prevent Simon from talking to him while they wait. That the two discuss it like they're going to war is a little unnerving.

Lucy is on the phone with Jimmy Moon, accusing him of having designs on her sister. Jimmy is repulsed by the idea, and points out that Lucy told him to smile, and set up the tutoring. Ruthie starts eavesdropping on the conversation, but she's not savvy enough to pick up the phone without being noticed. Jimmy hangs up on them.

Lucy goes to find out why Ruthie wants the phone. She wants to Poison Control because her imaginary friend drank Happy's water. Lucy talks her out of this idea, explaining that emergency numbers are for real people and real emergencies. Ruthie is not pleased with this.

Matt tells Simon that they're going back to the doctor tomorrow. He also describes the shot in such detail that Simon is now terrified about getting the shot. Way to go, Matt.
Church. Eric and Lou have it out about Ron and the security system. Lou thinks Eric's job is to represent the parishoners and their values. Eric sums up his job as representing the church, and it's values. I'm not sure how often he succeeds with that. Also not sure why he considers the church and parishoners separate entities. Lou suggests that if Eric persists in this, he might be looking for another parish.

Morning. Eric is ranting to Annie. She's explaining what Lou is thinking, but Eric doesn't want to hear any other view point. She points out that not everyone has as much faith as he does, and Eric finally hears her. He apologizes for being so one sided. They make up. He asks to see her report early, but she's not budging.

Matt and Mary are trying to get Simon out of his room. He's barricaded himself in to avoid the shot. Mary offers to find a screw driver to take the doorknob off. Not sure if that will work. Ruthie, upon learning about the situation, decides to use her phone tree and call the police.

Srgt Michaels knocks on the door, and demands Simon open up. The cops find out that Simon is all right. The audience and Ruthie are treated to a lecture about calling the cops when it's not an emergency. Too bad the Rev. wasn't here to benefit. Lucy takes the phone list away. About time.

Simon gets his shot, but turns out Matt needs one, too. Matt is not pleased until Simon gives him a lollipop. Seriously, how did this guy become a doctor?

Night. Mary confronts Lucy about Jimmy cancelling the tutoring. Lucy feels about her freak outs. Mary tells her that she wouldn't ever do anything to hurt her, until later seasons anyway. Lucy apologizes, and they make up. Annie comes into to announce that Jimmy is at the Camden's to talk to Lucy.

Jimmy gives Lucy a long speech that boils down to that he needs the passing science grade and that Lucy should trust him. Except he uses the phrase that he's 'not a free love kind of guy.' Jimmy, shut up. Lucy goes to get Mary.

Annie is trying to fix the door to Simon's room. Ruthie is watching. Which gives Annie the opportunity to talk to Ruthie about the phone. That they are talking about the phone list like it's a drug is unsettling, to say the least. Ruthie wants to know who told Annie. Turns out it was everybody and their brother.

Matt asks Eric if they're going to hire Ron. Eric is surprised that Matt knows about the situation. Matt notes that there are no secrets in their house. Very true. Turns out Eric hired him, and is trusting that he will show up. He also trusts that Matt took Simon to get his shot. Matt hands him the lollipop as proof.

Church. Annie is giving a speech about what to do with the budget. It's way longer than it needs to be. She doesn't actually tell us what her recommendations are though.
The service starts, sans organ. Lou is quick to note that Ron is late. When Ron shows, he explains the tardiness by blaming the bus.

The hymn closes out, as Annie hugs herself self-importantly.

Thoughts:

Lou is pretty awesome when he's sparing with Eric. He's another character that is less inclined to bend to Eric's will.

Lucy, no one else cares about Jimmy Moon. Especially your sister. Save your jealousy for when she is actually trying to steal your boyfriends (or ex-boyfriends).

The timeline on Simon's tetanus shot is weird. If Eric took him the year before, I don't know why he'd need another one. The last time I got a tetanus shot it was good for ten years. Maybe Simon convinced his dad to sign the form without getting the shot?

I can't imagine that a vestry would be able to appoint the minister's wife to treasurer in a meeting that the minister didn't attend. I'm not sure why a vestry would even want to.

I also can't imagine Eric wouldn't have found out what Ron had been convicted of before hiring him. I know churches preach forgiveness, and certainly congregants are from many walks of life. However, to hire someone with a more checkered past, a rector would generally be inclined to do a little more research. Or at least understand the vestry's reservations.

Also, Srgt. Michael's arrived at the Camden's minutes after Ruthie called. I'm telling y'all, he is way too involved with this family.

Brave New World

Night. Simon is giving Ruthie advice about her first day of pre-kindergarten. Mostly no crying and no picking. Ruthie is a little nervous. Annie seems sad to see her youngest old enough for school.

Matt wants to make sure that Mary turned down a date with some guy named Michael Towner. She did, but doesn't thinks it's Matt's business. Matt disagrees.

Eric and Lucy are dropping Lucy's friend off at her house. He wants to wait to make sure gets inside, but she tells him it's not necessary. They drive off, but turn around because Suzanne forgot her homework. They see Suzanne walking and call out to her. She tells Lucy that she was trying to catch up with their car to get her homework. I think Suzanne sucks at lying. Eric insists on driving her home, saying that she shouldn't be walking alone at night. Suzanne seems unhappy about this turn of events. Someone's got a secret.

Breakfast. Lucy asks her dad to check in to what's bothering Suzanne. He tells her that he can't butt into someone's life because they have a feeling something is wrong. Lucy points out that he does that all the time. Heh. He says he only helps people who ask for his help (not really true) and Lucy takes that to mean that her asking isn't enough. She storms off.

Ruthie isn't eating her cereal. Simon tries to give her advice about eating so she doesn't throw up. Ruthie just doesn't like the cereal.

Lucy's science class. Suzanne is late. She's wearing a shirt she borrowed the night before. They make jokes about their science teacher. Lucy takes the opportunity to ask Suzanne why her mom said she wasn't home yet when Lucy called last night. Suzanne says her mom is the kind of a flake who doesn't notice when her daughter is home. Lucy pretends to believe her.

Annie, Eric and Simon drop Ruthie off at her pre-kindergarten class. Simon offers to take her in for them. He heads to his own class. Annie gives him a kiss on the cheek. It leaves a giant mark. Annie, it's called blotting, learn it, love it, live it. You're lipstick should not leave that large a mark without smearing. Simon is horrified.

Ruthie's new teacher makes a comment about the last of the Camdens. If only that were true. Annie assures Ruthie that she will be back and gives her Eric's beeper number. Ruthie is decidedly unworried, and excited about modelling clay. Annie starts crying over the fact that her "last" child just started school. If only this the last of her offspring.

High school. Michael Towner slams Mary's locker on her. He's giving her crap because she turned him down. Her friend Cory tells her that there's something written about her on the guys bathroom. She suggests Mary get Matt to check it out, but Mary prefers to handle her own problems. She heads to the Men's room after the bell rings, where she finds this 'clever' remark: You'll always score with Mary Camden because she loves to go one on one. She's upset.

She hides in a stall when she hears someone else come in. It's Matt and a friend of his. They're talking about a Rave Party they attended over the weekend, and all the illicit things that happened there. Matt is unhappy about the comment and plans to do something about it. Whatever he has planned, I'm sure it won't be helpful.

Lucy and Jimmy Moon are hiding behind a bench in what is supposed to be the poor side of town. You can tell because there is graffiti on the bench and the apartments have dingy paint. They have followed Suzanne home from school. They go to look at the mailboxes and note that Suzanne's last name is on one of them. Lucy comes up with a convoluted explanation as to why this might be so, but it's clear Suzanne is poor and ashamed of it. Lucy feels bad about spying on her friend.

Mary blackmails Matt into signing her detention slip. She uses the Rave. Matt is upset that she was in the guys bathroom. She insists that she can handle her own problems. He's doubtful because of the current blackmail situation. He tells that this will only lead to "ugly recriminations and tears." Mary awesomely replies, "Only if you plan on crying."

Annie and Eric are reading an advisory from Ruthie's school. They are shocked by the many weapons that are prohibited in pre-kindergarten. Mostly that they have to make an effort to prohibit them in kindergarten, I think.

Simon asks to talk to Annie privately. He tells her in no uncertain terms that she can never kiss him in front of his friends again. He makes her promise. She agrees, but is near tears about it. His friends gave him a hard time about the kiss earlier. Ruthie comes in, and is surprised to learn that she has to go to school everyday. Ruthie is not pleased. She blames Simon and punches him. She notes that she learned that in school, and refuses to go back.

Lucy confesses her spying to her father and asks him to look into the situation. He's upset with her about it because it's not a safe neighborhood. She tries to tell her father that she was safe because Jimmy Moon knows accupressure point defense. Is that a real thing? She tries to demonstrate by touching Eric's temple, but he's skeptical. Lucy convinces Eric to get involved.

Eric goes to Suzanne's apartment the next day under the guise of dropping off a shirt. Suzanne's mother invites him in for a brief cup of coffee. He asks about Suzanne's lying regarding her address. Suzanne's mother reveals that her ex-husband isn't paying child support. Eric asks permission to talk to the ex-husband. He doesn't leave before Suzanne gets home from school and Suzanne runs off, upset that her secrets been discovered.

High school. Michael harrasses Mary some more. Her friends think she should let Matt take care of him. Mary decides to confront him herself, but he and his friends just laugh at her. Matt still wants to get involved, but Mary tells him to butt out. I love independent Mary.

Camden home. Ruthie tells her dad about how much she liked school. Annie is pleased to hear she's made a friend.

Lucy comes in and demands to talk to her dad. She bitches him out about embarrassing her friend. Her dad gets on her about her tone. He tells Annie he's going to check on a dead-beat dad.

Simon is trying to talk to Ruthie. She's ignoring him, because she's got a new best friend. Simon is not pleased. Ruthie tells him to talk to the hand, mirroring behavior she learned from Skylar. Simon demonstrates he's learning from Matt by butting into Ruthie's friendship. Annie doesn't pay attention to him.

Matt and Mary are fighting about whether he should get involved in the Michael Towner situation. They keep storming in and out of each others' rooms. She says she'll let him know how she's going to handle it "in her own way and in her own time." Matt says he won't stand for someone talking trash about his sister. Mary doesn't like his choice of words and tells him, "One guys warped ego is enough for me to deal with. I don't need yours too." Did I mention that I love independent Mary?

Matt calls out that he's sorry he's more bothered than her. But it's clear Mary is bothered because she curls up with a teddy bear in tears. Poor Mary.

At a used car dealership, Eric confronts Suzanne's father about not paying his child support. Suzanne's father is an ass, and doesn't want to pay child support because Suzanne took her mother's side.

Dinner. Everyone's picking at their food. Lucy is upset about Suzanne. Eric invites her out to play pool to cheer her up. For some reason, this works on Lucy. Mary asks to be excused, and Matt won't tell the parents about their fight. Matt tells them not to worry. Matt, I know I often tell you to butt out, but this might be something that you do want to discuss with your parents. Sure, Mary will still be mad at you, but it's probably more productive than whatever plan you have to take care of the guy.

Ruthie announces that she's not talking to Simon. No one cares, except Simon who is jealous of her friend.

Pool Hall. Eric and Lucy enjoy some father-daughter time. Suzanne's father is also there. He wants to know if the reverend is following him. Lucy is confused. Suzanne's dad challenges him to play for money. Lucy bets money on her dad. I wonder how this will end...

Eric enters his master bedroom to show Annie all the money he won off Suzanne's dad. Annie wants to know if he robbed a liquor store on the way home. He says it's a little overdue child support so that we know he was gambling for a good cause.

The next day. Eric is heading to give the money to Suzanne's mom. Suzanne's dad is already there, he wants to give the money to Suzanne himself. Suzanne's dad is upset about the neighborhood that his daughter is living in, and promises to catch up on his child support. Now that he's been proven right, Eric can pretend to apologize for overstepping his bounds.

Suzanne's dad knocks on the door and tells Suzanne he loves her. He promises to be more involved. Aww, Rev Camden succeeded where lawyers and judges had failed.

High school. Michael snaps Mary bra. Her friends tell her to ignore him. She's decided she not going to take it anymore and follows him into the men's room. So do her two friends and Matt. She confronts him and he suggests that Matt has shown up to fight her battle. Matt tells him she can handle her own business. Mary demands that he erase the comment about her. Michael knocks the pen out of his hand. When he goes to pick it up, saying that she can have her pen back as a "lovely parting gift," Mary shoves his head in the toilet and flushes. Go, Mary!

By now, quite a crowd has gathered to watch Michael's swirlee. Matt sticks up for Mary and they head out of the bathroom. And bump into the principal. She sends them both to detention and arranges to have a meeting with their parents after school.
Lucy's science class. Suzanne and Lucy make up. It's sweet.

Camden home. Lucy thanks Eric for helping Suzanne. Eric and Annie ask Matt to watch the kids while they go to the meeting about Mary. Simon is upset that Ruthie's friend is over. Annie busts Matt for not telling them about the harrassment and Matt says he had the situation under control-- he worries so the parents don't have to. Annie seems to be won over by this insanity.

Ruthie's friend is teaching her some karate moves. They seem to be having fun. This is more than Simon can stand. Matt stops him from interupting and gives him a pep talk about looking out for each other. Just then Skylar's sister shows up to pick him up. Simon is smitten.

Principal's office. Michael and his parents are waiting with the Camdens. Michael wants to file assault charges. The principal encourages Mary to file sexual harrassment charges. Michael is confused, so the principal explains that his behavior constituted harrassment. Michael's dad is not happy about the obvious special treatment. C'mon Mr. Towner, Mary's a Camden-- they always get special treatment.

Mary wants to let it go, but the principal lectures them about everything Michael's done in the last week. She tells him that if he harrasses anyone else, he will have no friend in the administration. If I was Michael's parents, I'd be really pissed about this obvious favoritism.

The principal then encourages Mary to speak up sooner if someone's giving her trouble. No punishment is giving, which seems weird. I'm pretty sure it's still against school policy to shove someone's head in a toilet for any reason.

Mary confesses her detention, and forgery. She gets grounded for the weekend. Eric also encourages her to speak up if someone is trying to destroy her self-esteem and dignity. She thanks him and wanders off. Eric suggests that they keep Ruthie at home for the next fifteen years. Like that's a healthy solution. Annie, however, is so excited about having her first nap in a while, that she decides Ruthie will continue to attend school. They discuss how long Ruthie will be in school as the episode closes.

Thoughts:

If the principal knew about the harrassment, why didn't she interfere earlier? I'm fairly certain school administrators don't have to wait for a complaint to correct someone's behavior.

Simon and Matt need to stop being so jealous about their sisters having lives outside of the family.

Matt also needs to realize that he really has no say in how Mary lives her life unless she's actually asking him for advice.

Also, even if it is pre-kindergarten, why is Ruthie starting school in February?

Something I do like about the earlier seasons is that Mary's independence is generally considered to be a positive trait, rather than a sign of her inherent evilness that it was in later seasons.

Plus, it was pretty awesome when she shoved that guys head in the toilet.

Happy's Valentine

Breakfast with the Camdens. Annie wants to go camping with the Hamiltons. Just the adults. Eric has some doubts. Matt can't baby-sit because he's got a date. Mary and Lucy don't want to baby-sit. Simon is worried about giving the puppies away. Annie is determined to go camping, so she comes up with a plan to make it happen. Eric knows he has no say in the matter. The kids will be on their own for the night. Expect hijinx.

HIgh school. Matt and John make plans to hang out with their dates in an adult free house. Matt notes that the sisters won't go for it. John tries to ask Keisha, but it doesn't fly. He orders Matt to ask Mary.

Home. Ruthie is upset about giving the puppies away. Annie explains that their big enough to be on their own. She compares it to Ruthie still living with her parents at 30. This is early enough in the series that Annie can pretend she wants her children to be independent.

Matt is trying to get Mary to change her plans so he can have his date at home. Here's a thought, Matt, no one is at the Hamiltons. Why don't you and John take your dates to the actually empty house? They agree to split the house into the living room and the den. Lucy joins them to whine about breaking her date with Jimmy Moon. Matt suggests she can go if she takes the younger siblings. Lucy demands ten bucks from each of them because she knows they're up to something.

Eric comes home to find Annie packing for their trip. He's whining about his day and he doesn't want to go camping. Simon comes in the puppies fully packed. Annie tells him to keep an eye on Happy, since she might go looking for the puppies. This is known as foreshadowing.

Lucy is suggesting the movie plan to Jimmy Moon. He's not sure about taking the kids because the Reverend wouldn't approve, and because he's taking her to a French film. The same film they watched in episode three. Lucy convinces Jimmy to go to the movies and send the kids to a cartoon movie in the next theater. So much scheming.

Ruthie sees her parents off on their trip. She doesn't want to kiss them good-bye, but complies anyway. She announces to Eric that she's moving out one day. Eric tries to weasel out of camping. The Hamiltons arrive. Annie and Eric give some last minute instructions and head off for the weekend. Are you ready for some hijinx?

Lucy tries to convince the kids to go to a movie. None of them are interested. She tells them that they're going.

Dwight comes by to pick up the puppies. His mother is way too gushy about their cuteness. Dwight wants to name them Simon and Ruthie. Heh.

Matt convinces Simon to go to the movies by promising to keep an eye on her. Simon buys it because he doesn't know about foreshadowing. This will end well.

At the movies. Lucy gives the kids their tickets and when they figure out that they're seeing it alone they demand a bribe. Everyone heads to the theaters.

Matt and John arrive at the Camden mansion with their dates. They come in through the kitchen and Matt offers everyone something to drink (no, not adult beverages). John and his date start kissing, and it looks like Matt and his date are about to kiss. They are interupted by a noise from the living room. They all go to tell the girls to keep it down...

And find a rather large party, complete with boys. Matt and John are not happy. Should've gone to the Hamilton's actually empty house boys. Mary and Keisha are pretty relaxed about the whole thing. Matt, John and their dates decide to enjoy the party while they can.

Camping. Morgan and Eric are huddled around a fire. Eric hates camping, so he's whining a lot. Morgan offers him the sermon he's going to use, but since he's drawing parallels between Moses and Martin Luther King, Eric isn't sure he can pull it off.

In a tent, Annie and Patricia are comparing lingerie. If this were another kind of show, I'd wonder if they weren't about to engage in some spouse swapping.

Morgan's beeper goes off and Eric lends him a cell phone. The wives aren't happy that they brought methods of communication with them. Although, considering they left a total of 9 children on their own, it seems like they might want to be in some kind of radio contact. I can't believe they're even getting service in the woods.

The phone call is for Patricia. It's her first husband, who calls her every Valentine's Day. Morgan is angry about these phone calls. Patricia points out that he had the beeper.

The cartoon. The kids seem to be enjoying the antics of Elmer Fudd.

Lucy and Jimmy exchange cards in the theater of the French movie actually titled "Parlez-Vous?" Jimmy got Lucy a joke card, and she gets angry.

At the party. Keisha and Mary flirt with boys. Matt is too interested in Mary's flirting. John notices that a couple guys are drinking beer. Matt tells them to get rid of it. They put the bottles in a nearby lamp. John busts in on Keisha's flirting. His date is bored by this and starts to dance with someone else.

Camping. Everyone is eating around the campfire making small talk about the stew. And trying to ignore the tension between Morgan and Patricia. Patricia and Annie both head to bed, leaving the men to clean up the dishes. If this were a different kind of show...

Eric and Morgan decide to check up on the kids. They call Sargent Michaels and ask him to drive by the house like he's on a routine patrol. Because Sargent Michael's is Eric's bitch.

Cartoon. Simon and Nigel are throwing popcorn at other movie-goers. Brats. Lynn and Ruthie have fallen asleep. An usher busts them and kicks them out of the theater.

Jimmy and Lucy make up. She tries to make him kiss her, but the moment is interupted by the usher with Simon and Nigel.

Party. Srgt. Michaels enters and walks straight up to his son, inquiring about whether alcohol is being served. It's just the son and his friend. He makes the kid call his mother. This doesn't fit with later expositions about Srgt. Michael's family.

Matt drags Mary into the room, lecturing her about talking to a guy in the kitchen. Matt, butt out. They notice Srgt. Michaels and start babbling about how no one was drinking, except for the two he already busted. The policeman tells them that Happy was hit by a car. He's already taken her to an animal hospital and offers to give Matt a ride over. That is some fine service provided by the Glen Oak PD.

Camping. Morgan and Patricia talk. She gives him some of the details about her first marriage. Morgan is shocked to find out that her first husband was white. This convinces him to stop asking questions.

Annie and Eric gossip about their friends after some "alone time." They decide to call the kids to see how they're doing, but the phone rings first. It's Srgt. Michaels calling in with his report. I really want to know what dirt Eric has on him, as this is only the beginning of favors and special treatment for the Camdens.

Matt paces at the Animal hospital. Srgt. Michaels is waiting with him. June Lockhart comes out to give them an update. She sends Matt home to tell Simon. She's planning to stay the night to keep an eye on Happy.

Annie is ranting about what a stupid idea camping was as the adults pack up to head home early. Eric tries to make her feel better, but Annie doesn't really want to be comforted. Patricia and Morgan are ranting on their own. He's still harping about her first husband. Dude, it's been 20 years-- get over it.

Mary and Keisha try to clean the party mess. Ruthie and Lynn tell them about Simon and Nigel. They get sent up to get ready for bed.

Lucy and Jimmy say good-night. He doesn't kiss her, but promises to someday. She buys it.

Matt tells Simon about Happy's accident and Simon chews his ass out for not keeping an eye on her. Crowning moment: Simon tells Matt that he hates him. He demands to go to the vet to be with Happy.

At the animal hospital. Simon is talking to his injured dog. We still don't know if Happy is going to be okay, but Matt tells his sister that the dog is doing a lot better. June Lockhart busts him for lying.

Mary doesn't think Matt was telling the truth. The parents all come in. The Hamiltons get ready to leave. They decide to interagate the kids separately.

Thus follows a scene which cuts between each of the kids trying to downplay and/or excuse their participation in the various unapproved activities. Basically they're all lying enough so that the parents have no sense of what might have happened. They give up. It's actually an amusing scene.

Morgan and Patricia finally make up, so we don't have to hear about her first husband until season two. The Hamiltons leave.

Matt calls to give an update on Happy. The Camdens all decide to head down to the animal hospital and wait with Simon and Happy. If I were June Lockhart, I'd be pissed about having to spend my night with the Camdens.

Matt takes responsibility for the various events. Eric tries to make him feel better, and promises to punish everyone later.

June Lockhart is watching Happy and Simon sleep on the exam table. There's nothing new, and June doesn't seem to encouraging about Happy's recovery.

In the waiting room, all the girls are asleep.

Morning. Everyone is sleeping in the waiting room of the animal hospital. June Lockhart has fallen asleep on her desk. That's gonna be sore later. Happy wakes up, making a miraculous recovery. Everyone is glad that Happy is going to be fine.

Simon and Matt make up. Simon makes everyone apologize to Happy. They all play along. And all is right with Camdens once again.

Thoughts:

I can't believe the Camdens and the Hamiltons decided to go camping and leave all their kids unsupervised with less than 24-hours planning. Seems more than a little irresponsible.

I also can't believe that Jimmy and Lucy have been dating for several months and he hasn't kissed her. Is this normal for thirteen year olds?

Sargent Michaels is way too involved with the Camdens.

America's Most Wanted

Night at the Camdens. Annie is reading Ruthie nursery rhymes. Simon keeps interupting, until Annie invites him to join them. He starts reading to Ruthie. Eric comes in. He's been at a boxing match. Figures Eric likes violence. He's in a bad mood because nobody at the tournament knew the words to the Star Spangled Banner. He thinks that people should prove they know the words or leave the country. That's one way to control the population. Ruthie runs out of the room. Eric continues his rant about how the country has abandoned its values. Yes, if only everyone memorized the Star Spangled Banner, there would be no more problems in America.

Ruthie is worried that if she doesn't learn the song, Eric will have her deported. She wants Simon to teach her. There's the predictable amount of "misheard" lyrics-- starting with "Jose, can you see?" This is going to be a fun subplot.

Morning. Annie is making pancakes to try and lighten Erics mood over the National Anthem. The kids are worried that the parents had a fight, but quickly figure out the situation. Lucy has an essay on the Crucible due. Matt asks Eric if he and Mary can go out with John and Keisha Hamilton. They get permission, and Lucy has an opportunity to feel left out. Eric won't give them money unless they know the words to the National Anthem.

Simon is still trying to teach Ruthie the words. She mistakes "hail" for a word she can't say, leading Simon to utter the phrase, "Go to hell" in Eric's earshot. He tries to explain that he wasn't really swearing, but ends up apologizing. Simon takes the opportunity to ask if Eric is still upset about the national ignorance regarding a certain song's lyrics. He still is, so Ruthie continues to worry about deportation.
Lucy's English class. She gets busted doing math homework. She asks for an extension on her essay. She doesn't get one.

Jimmy Moon and Dwight are waiting for her outside her class. Jimmy is not pleased about his friend's crush. I try very hard to care.

Matt is waiting for Mary after practice. One of her teammates reminds him that Mary is the only person on the team who hasn't stolen anything from a diner called the Varsity. She has until some athletic banquet to complete the task. Apparently, hazing is still big in Glen Oak. Matt assures the girl that Mary will take care of it and learns the coolest thing to steal is a glass. I guess their dinner plans weren't so innocent.

Matt joins John and Keisha at some tables. He gives them an out if they don't want to be part of Mary's descent into petty theft. They seem pretty eager to witness the event.

Night. Lucy is panicking about her paper. Mary lets her use her paper from last year as a research guide. This will end well. She decides to eat in her room so she can work on her paper.

The Varsity. The kids are finishing up their meals. Mary is nervous about her task, but gives into peer pressure. She steals a glass, Matt pays their bill and they leave. Oh, Mary.

Morning. Eric has found the offending glass. He thinks Matt stole it, and Matt doesn't correct him. Eric demands he take it back and apologize to the manager. Matt continues to cover for Mary. She seems conflicted about it.

Lucy's English class. The bell wakes her up. Her teacher stops her to let her know that she graded her essay. She got a decent grade. She's relieved.

Matt is actually apologizing to the Manager for taking the glass. The Manager is actually pressing charges for a two dollar glass that was returned.

Eric and Lucy arrive home. Lucy is upset because Matt didn't drop off the cheerleading snacks. Annie's worried that he's not home yet, but Eric is unconcerned.

Mary is considering quitting basketball because of the glass thing. Lucy is thinking about quitting cheerleading because she stole Mary's paper and got away with it. Mary assumes her paper was so outstanding that her teacher would remember a year later. They both feel guilty about their various transgressions.

The phone rings. Annie finds out that Matt has been arrested for petty larceny. For a two dollar glass that he returned. He should have just left on a counter and told his dad he apologized.

Night. The Camdens actually had to pick Matt up at the police station. Eric tries to talk to Matt about the situation, but Matt is pretty upset about the whole think. He blames Eric, and storms out.

Lucy and Mary start to discuss the situation but Matt interupts. Mary wants to confess, but Matt is nobly trying to keep his little sister from getting arrested. He convinces her not to quit basketball, but to stop giving to peer pressure.

Rev. Hamilton is on the phone. He confronts his kids about the stolen glass. He figures out that Matt didn't steal anything because he knows about the ritual stealing from the diner by athletes. Both Keisha and John are grounded for three weeks for their participation. John decides to give Matt a heads up about how much Rev. Hamilton knows. I want to watch a show about the Hamiltons. They seem way cooler than the Camdens.

Matt and John rehash the previous scene. John encourages Matt to discuss the situation with Rev. Hamilton.

Annie is reading Lucy's paper. She recognizes it as Mary's. She bases this on the fact that both papers compare the Salem Witch Trials to the McCarthy hearings. She's surprised the teacher didn't remember. Because no one made that connection before Mary Camden.

She sits Lucy down to talk about setting her priorities. She also forces Lucy to realize that she should be honest about her lack of feelings for Dwight. And confess to the teacher. Annie agrees not to tell Eric.

Ruthie is still trying to convince Simon to help her with the Star Spangled Banner. She's still not getting the words. Simon is as tired of this subplot as I am.

The Varsity. Eric is trying to convince the Manager to drop the charges. Eric has finally met someone in Glen Oak that won't bend to his will. I'm sure he'll come around by the end of the episode though.

Morning. Eric and Annie are discussing Matt's situation. Matt wants to talk to someone about what's happened with someone more objective than Eric. He is not pleased with this idea, but gives permission. Eric wonders what the problem is between him and Matt. Maybe, Eric, that you decided Matt took the glass even though there were three other kids with him at the diner, one of whom lives in your house. Apparently, Matt was the bad kid in season 1.

Matt shows up to talk to Rev. Hamilton. He asks the Rev. to keep the real events a secret until after the court hearing. Rev. Hamilton encourages him to talk to his dad about what happened and how he feels for getting blamed for it. Rev. Hamilton has a plan to make the court hearing go well for him. Mysterious.

Lucy confesses to using Mary's paper. Her teacher is so impressed by her honesty that she gives her another day to turn in her own paper. Looks like Lucy got her extension after all.

She then goes to tell the boys where they stand in her life. She likes Jimmy as a boyfriend and Dwight as a friend. She runs off before they can respond.

Camden Mansion. Lucy and Mary want to go to Matt's hearing. Matt thinks this is a bad idea, but Annie agrees to call a baby-sitter. Matt orders Mary to keep her mouth shut about her participation. Mary wants to tell their parents.

Courthouse. Eric pulls Matt out into the hallway to talk it out. Matt does a pretty good job of calling Eric out on always be angry with him. Eric has a brief epiphany, but doesn't let Matt get too much say. Matt mentions that he has something to tell Eric after the hearing. Eric tries to get him to tell him right then, but Matt isn't budging.

Camden's. Ruthie and the sitter are painting an American flag. The immigrant baby-sitter manages to teach her the song by telling her the story behind the lyrics. Somehow, this actually seems to be working.

Courtroom. The judge calls Matt's case. Eric answers questions meant for Matt and gets chewed out by the judge for interupting. I like this judge. Mary can't take it anymore. She confesses everything in the middle of the courtroom, including the iniation aspect. The parents are shocked. Hey, think of it as practice for when she gets arrested for vandalism in three years.

Just then, the courtroom doors burst open and several athletes from the local high school come in with all the stuff they've stolen from the Varsity. The owner wants everyone arrested. Eric asks to offer an idea. Because he asked, the judge decides he can speak. He offers that perhaps the kids could volunteer at the Varsity instead of trying each case. Because the judicial system is generally overloaded, the judge supports this plan. At least, that's the only reason I can think of for why she'd agree to coerce the Manager into dropping the charges.

She orders all the kids to return the merchandise and sign up with the court clerk for the volunteer list. Eric figures out what Matt didn't want to tell him earlier. He adds that he went to talk to Rev. Hamilton earlier. Eric approves.

Eric thanks Rev. Hamilton for helping out.

Lucy wants to confess to her father, but Annie thinks the timing is poor. She suggests that Lucy help Mary and Matt clean the diner. She doesn't look thrilled, but agrees to it.

The Camden parents agree they are proud of their kids.

Night. The Camdens return home. Lucy starts to tell Simon everything that happens, but he's in a hurry to show them a surprise...

It's Ruthie singing the National Anthem in front of the flag they were painting earlier. Eric is touched. Simon is conducting with lit sparklers. That seems dangerous. As the song ends. so does the episode.

Thoughts:

This episode is one of my favorites. It hits the oddly over-protective sibling dynamic. Has the family in a situation that Eric can't fix. And a generally odd syncrenisity about the problems the siblings face. (Lucy stealing Mary's paper and Mary basically shop-lifting.)

I'm surprised the coaches never said anything about the obvious stealing initiation. If the players were all bringing the stolen goods to an athletic banquet, it seems the coaches would catch on and put a stop to it.

Also, what public school has a chaplain at their athletic banquet?

Eric actually seems to have acknowledged faults in terms of his relationship with Matt, that in some ways parallel the tension Eric has with his own father in later episodes.

The subplot surrounding the Star Spangled Banner felt a little forced.