Family Secrets

We open with Happy eating Eric's shoes. Simon is trying to hide it and lies to Ruthie to keep it a secret. He becomes uber-helpful to compensate for the inevitable trouble he is in when his parents find out.

The grandparents are on their way out, and have been buying the kids presents that the 'rents don't approve of. Grandpa asks if anyone can keep a secret. After eleven seasons, I think it's safe to say that none of the Camdens are capable of keeping secrets at all.

Matt starts to intuit that something's wrong with Grandma, but the parents won't tell him what it is. Grandma still wants to keep her illness a secret, and still doesn't want treatment. Eric and Annie try to keep the in town by standing in front of their car so they can't leave without running them over. Credits.

All the kids are pitching in with the dishes when the phone rings. Mary and Lucy race for it, but Matt gets there first. The caller hangs on up on him-- wise move in my opinion. Matt pries into his sisters' business, but the sensibly leave the room. Except for Ruthie, who Matt cons into revealing that Mary is waiting for his friend Jeff to call. Which he would have known already if he'd been paying any attention to the last episode.

Simon panics about Happy's pregnancy. They really should take the dog to a vet for confirmation. I wouldn't take the word of a teenager with no medical training. Certainly not enough to panic over telling my parents. Matt nicely pawns off all his chores on to the poor boy.

Mary and Lucy wish to be more technologically in touch with the world while they wait for their phone calls. Lucy doesn't want to tell Mary whose going to call her. Mary blocks her path to the bathroom and threatens to tickle her until she tells. Nice.
Matt is on the phone trying convince some girl to let him bring her dinner.

Lucy cracks, and we are introduced to Lucy's obsession to Jimmy Moon. Mary advises Lucy to lie about why Jimmy is calling if asked by their parents.

Their conversation is interrupted by Jeff calling for Mary. Lucy would rather listen to Mary's phonecall than pee, even though she really had to go a moment ago. God, these people are nosy.

Simon is still being over-helpful.

Matt wants to borrow the car to go to the library. His mother expresses disbelief, but lets him use the car. She hugs him way too long and he leaves.

Night. Shots af all the Camdens sleeping. Except for one.... Shockingly Matt has not yet come home from the library. I can't believe parents as amazing as Eric and Annie are supposed to be went to bed before their newly licensed, teen-aged son got home.
Morning. Eric is pacing nervously around the kitchen when Matt tries to sneak in. He shouts loud enough to wake the whole family. Eric grills Matt about his watch and the lack of a phone call. Matt stupidly reveals that he spent the night at a girl's house. Eric wants to know if he's lost his mind. I think that sums up his character rather nicely.

Annie catches the rest of her children listening on the stairs and sends them back to their rooms with a look.

Matt tries to explain to his parents, but he's grounded anyway.

Mary and Lucy try to figure out what happened. Lucy thinks Matt was making out with the girl all night. Mary suddenly decides she doesn't want to talk about Matt's love life anymore. Jealous?

Ruthie tries to figure out who is in trouble and reminds us that she is on the show.

Simon pumps Matt for information. He thinks he can tell his parents about Happy now that Matt is such big trouble. Matt talks him into waiting til they get good news. So he can spoil a good mood instead of feeding a bad mood, I guess.

Eric can't find his shoes and Annie tries to teach Ruthie the alphabet. Ruthie won't tell him where his shoes are, and scampers out of the room. Eric tries to talk sexy, but Annie wants to talk about Matt's punishment. Eric decides that he can't drive except to and from school and the library for three weeks. Annie tries to talk him down, but he is insistent.

School-- Matt tells Jeff that Mary is only interested in dating him because she's desperate to get kissed.

Hospital-- Eric's feet hurt in his fancy shoes. A sexy nurse tries to hit on him by having the shoes resized. She doesn't believe he's a minister because he's not wearing a collar and she doesn't believe he's married because he left his ring at home. He gives her his shoes and she walks away like the temtress she is trying to be. Eric doesn't seem to notice.

School-- Lucy is surrounded by friends, waiting for Jimmy Moon to walk by. He doesn't say anything and her friends are disappointed. He does turn to look at her, and she seems pleased.

Everyone arrives home from school and heads straight for the fridge. Annie comments on Happy's weight and Simon babbles. Ruthie nearly reveals Simon shoe hiding.
Matt finds out he's grounded and he's not happy. He still won't tell his mom anything about the girl he spent the night with. His mom is still surprised he's been going to the library. Annie wants him to bring her by to meet her. Matt goes to the library.
Happy eats a shoe outside and Simon has to figure out how to get the shoe inside without Annie seeing. He's terrible at lying.

Matt's friend calls, and Annie invites her to dinner without asking Matt first.
Mary calls Jeff instead of waiting for him to call her and encourages Lucy to do the same.

Eric comes home without his shoes and Annie is suspicious of the nurse. Matt is not happy that Annie invited his friend to dinner.

Matt's announcement about his friend is cut short when she comes in the dining room and she's obviously pregnant. The parents panic, but the baby is not Matt's. Simon decides that this is the best time to tell his parents that Happy is pregnant and craving Eric's shoes. Eric looks to heaven.

During dinner, Simon bombards the poor girl with embarassing questions. Eric tries to spare her, but nobody else wants to talk.

Eric and Matt talk. Matt wants to talk about Grandma. Eric wants to help Renee get back in touch with her parents and the baby's father. He assumes that's what she needs most right now. He's making a lot of assumptions considering he knows nothing about her situation with either her parents or the baby-daddy.

Mary and Lucy are in their room walking around with basketballs under their shirts. Nice. Lucy reveals that she doesn't know where babies come from and Mary helpfully tells her if she stops at the kissing part, she won't have to worry about the pregnant part. Cause keeping girls ignorant always keeps them from having the sex. They are interupted by the ringing phone.

Mary busts in on Matt and Eric's conversation. Apparently Jeff doesn't want to date a girl who might want to kiss him. She yells at Matt for talking to Jeff about her. He tells her if she goes out with his best friend, they're going to talk about her. Eric suggests that Mary tell Jeff she doesn't want to kiss him to prove that she's not using the boy. Mary wanders off in the middle of his speech, and Matt worries that Mary is well on her way to getting pregnant because she wants to date.

Renee and Annie discuss her pregnancy. Renee is being awfully open with this woman she met an hour ago. None of this is really Annie's business.

Eric tries to talk to Renee's father. He repeatedly gets the door shut in his face. It's pretty awesome to watch.

Simon returns all the half-eaten shoes. He's not in that much trouble. Simon is trying to think of a way to pay for them. Ruthie is watching this for some reason.

Matt and Annie bond over English Lit and she tells him about Grandma's illness.

Eric tries to talk to Matt about Grandma and Matt blows him off. He doesn't think they should tell the kids. Um, hello, Matt, you are one of the kids, not their third parent. It's really not up to whether your parents share this info with your siblings or not.

Mary and Jeff are back on for their date, and they've agreed to no kissing. Any bets on how long that lasts?

Eric, beginning the trend of butting into other people's business, goes to confront Renee's baby-daddy. He assumes the guy in yard fixing a motorcycle is the father. You know what they say about assumptions... The guy is pretty defensive and Eric's pretty rude about asking him about employment. But he also has a job lined up for the guy. Reverend Camden seems to have some serious connections.

Jimmy Moon asks Lucy if she likes him. She gets tongue tied, so he assumes that his friends are playing a joke. He walks off. It's as interesting as it sounds. Lucy looks crushed.

Simon thinks Matt should marry Renee. Matt thinks this is a stupid idea and he is correct.

The real baby-daddy comes by to thank the reverand for the job. Eric gets roped into trying to find a job for his older brother, and guilt-trips the kid into attending church on Sunday. Evangelism in action.

Mary is excited about her date, despite the no kissing agreement. Lucy is crying and reading Sassy. She's sad because she didn't know how to talk to Jimmy Moon. Mary tries to comfort her.

Annie suggests that Matt call his Grandma. Matt is nervous, but agrees to do so. Matt still doesn't want to talk to Eric about it. Eric is puzzled by this distance and it is revealed that he and his dad are also not close.

Simon wants to set up a lemonade stand to pay his dad back. He wants to sell it between the services. Good thing they don't live in Oregon. Upon realizing that this is not a financially sound investment, Simon decides to give the lemonade away as his community service, so that people will stay for church. Why are the Camdens trying so hard to trick people into attending their services?

Lucy calls Jimmy Moon. She doesn't even wait for an answer or the machine to pick up before blurting out that she didn't know what to say, but since this is tv, we can probably assume that Jimmy Moon got the message.

Eric doesn't let Matt go to the library on Friday, or anywhere else, because he's grounded. Eric offers to take him to play pool, but Matt sensibly doesn't want to be seen with him.

The doorbell rings and the entire family answers the door, thinking it's Mary's date. Instead, Jimmy Moon is on the doorstep asking for Lucy.

Eric and Annie are reading in bed. Eric is obviously nervous about Mary's date and keeps making excuses to go down stairs. Annie calls him out for waiting up for his daughter. He and Lucy meet in the hallway and try to lie to each other about waiting for Mary and Jimmy Moon repectively. They then apologize for lying to each other.

Matt is on the phone with his grandma.

Eric opens the door to let Happy out and finds Mary and Jeff making out on the porch. He closes the door on them.

Simon gives away the lemonade and reveals that his dad needs new shoes. The parishoners think they are running low on cash and start making mad donations to the lemonade stand.

The nurse from earlier has brought Eric's shoes and Annie looks jealous.
Renee has joined the choir and gets a solo her first week. Matt greets Renee's father listening outside the church and invites him to come inside. Aww.

Best quote:
"As long as Dad's a minister, we're never going to have normal lives."
Mary, you have never spoken truer words.